The coronavirus shutdown will be remembered for our renewed appreciation of rugby league, and how we expressed this appreciation by ensuring it looked nothing like rugby league when it returned.
For those unaware, as it currently stands, the NRL will return on May 28 to be played with unlimited tackles and penalties under the watch of one unvaccinated referee.
Hiatus has seen the game undergo dramatic reformation after being subjected to a movable feast of ideas, all of them as rank as the last.
But which stands alone as the worst, besides anything Mal Meninga’s suggested?
10. Expanding Origin eligibility
This proposal from Brad Fittler avoided a higher ranking after losing force as a bad idea through recidivism. If there is one thing we can all agree on after this mess, it’s that letting internationals play Origin is a terrible idea. Solely as it will certainly result in Jason Taumalolo suiting up for Queensland.
9. Footballers fighting Mike Tyson
Slightly outside the realms, but still qualifies for sheer idiocy. Admittedly, seeing names like Paul Gallen and Sonny Bill Williams linked with a profitable pounding from ‘Iron’ Mike was more interesting than watching thoroughbreds, darts and kickboxing, which coincidentally are three of the only means for overcoming Tyson.
8. Resetting competition points
Roosters tsar Nick Politis demanded points earned over the opening rounds be scrapped, a suggestion met with ire from everyone except the Roosters and all the other losers. Plenty have come around to the idea since though after waking up next to a horse’s head.
Nick Politis (AAP Image/Paul Miller)
7. NRL Island
An idea to migrate all players offshore was proposed when the current island they were on – Australia, the biggest island on Earth – had run out of room because its entire 7.6 million square kilometre landscape was taken up by the NRL’s bloated head office.
6. Fractioning competition points
Meninga suggested competition points earned across the first two rounds be reduced using a ratio compared to a full regular season. For example, compare Mal’s political career to any parliament with a sitting term of 25 minutes.
5. Restarting the tackle count
In a display of people power, Peter V’landys responded to public demands by introducing a rule nobody in the public demanded. He claimed resetting the tackle count for sins in the ruck will restore the game to its traditional model, i.e. the one from 1907 when it was rugby union.
4. One ref
V’Landys reached another decision by consulting a team of experts before ignoring the lot of them in favour of Facebook. The chairman made no apologies for reverting to one referee on the advice of a few burners, admitting he will bow to every demand they make except expanding to Perth.
3. Reducing referrals to the Bunker
This rule would limit referees to a set number of referrals to the Bunker because Damien Cook said so.
2. Listening to fans
With all due respect to most of us, we have no idea. And for further proof the viability of polling fans for rule changes was doomed from the get-go, the top answer to the survey question ‘What innovation would you like introduced?’ was ‘scrums’.
But it’s not an idea as reckless as:
1. Leaving rugby league in its current form
Staggeringly, there are people who have wasted this layoff fantasising about rugby league in an unadulterated format. These people have no desire to shorten matches, create a conference league or even defer to the internet to overcomplicate things. If these lunatics want to follow something unambiguous, then go watch rugby.
JOHN ALLAN
Guest
As the bunker is so costly why not use a dartboard or a game of paper rock scissors to determine the validity of a try? Oh wait. They already use those "systems".
The Late News
Roar Rookie
like love island...only different?
Big Daddy
Guest
It will be something to tell your Grand children in years to come. You can tell them you once saw Suncorp or Bankwest on TV. Its just like I remember it years ago.
Red Rob
Roar Rookie
And at the beginning of the last episode, when 2 contestants remain .... Striding out of the surf, water cascading from his pecs and biceps, onto the sand and into a ring comes ... Mike Tyson! You KNOW it rates it's footy shorts off!!
Red Rob
Roar Rookie
Just when the game needs all the engagement from spectators it can muster, they halve the number of refs we can yell at??!!
Nat
Roar Guru
One of your best kk :stoked:
Stormy
Roar Rookie
Great article, Dane, I really enjoyed it. Gave me a smile on this dark, wet day. Can't wait till footy starts again & we can all go back to blaming the Refs ( if indeed we have any officiating) & giving our "expert" opinions on all things Rugby League; leaving the very strange happenings of the enforced break behind.
kk
Roar Pro
Hi Dane, Your decagonal corralling of the League scene made my day. The Johns/ Fittler revelations upon the grassy knoll are proving to be a great source of flexible misinterpretation. Undertaking is the growth industry of the 20's. Paul and Sonny aiming to be next in line? The Kytherian duo love being right and set a simple agenda to do so. MWoTH. The Bunker is the greatest thing since 1770. Damien Cook has the naming rights but it will probably take until 2070 until it is used properly...enter the Greeks? Like many things affecting the GGoA, disambiguation is akin to the search for the 'Golden Steeden' Good luck with that one.
Rellum
Roar Guru
Sorry Dane but some of where advocating for the six again rule. You know you want it.
Big T
Roar Rookie
100%! I actually loved this idea.
Big T
Roar Rookie
This was excellent mate. Really enjoyed it.
Nick
Roar Guru
100%. I was truly gutted it didn't happen. They could have even shown "NRL island after dark" at 11pm.
Edward Kelly
Roar Guru
Good one Dane. If only V'Landys read The Roar!
Nat
Roar Guru
Nice Dane. "a profitable pounding from ‘Iron’ Mike" Gal said he would do it for free. When discussing this, who would have pictured Tyson to be the voice of reason?
The Late News
Roar Rookie
Dane...serious consideration should be given to redesigning the bunker. I suggest 1944 type models from northern France. Also on the notion of unlimited tackles...a lazy wingeright die of hypothermia in Canberra on a late nite match.. not from COVID-19 as previously reported.
Nat
Roar Guru
I don't really understand this one. The refs make 400 decisions per game, do we want to make them question whether they may seen an indiscretion or not at the put down? Suely point scoring opportunities need to be correct and not based on how many referrals he has left? I long for the day Souths get the rough end of a call and Cook is pointing at the screen at the knock on the video would have picked up in an instant.
Bee bee
Guest
I know it is ridiculous. But I kind of wish NRL Island happened. A Situation that would have created more drama and carnage than any reality TV show could ever dream of.
Big Daddy
Guest
Damien Cook needs to be very careful With thinking like that he could be the next CEO of the NRL.
Paul
Roar Guru
"This rule would limit referees to a set number of referrals to the Bunker because Damien Cook said so." Sure that wasn't Cameron Smith, Dane?
Duncan Smith
Roar Guru
Good one Dane.