Despite the mysterious disappearance of Cameron Smith in to full-time media tormenting, there is nothing to indicate Melbourne won’t shock us by doing the same thing they’ve done every year for the last two decades.
So if you’re like me, a cynical, long-term anticipator who has been dreaming of a disastrous outcome for this champion side, I’m sorry – you won’t be seeing them get that shameful eighth place finish this year.
Despite losing the greatest player in the history of the sport, nothing really has changed at the club.
There’s the same coach, the same psychological grip, and the same write-off narrative. Incredibly, even the jerseys are the same.
That’s because recent turnover has proven they could be stripped back to the 1998 list on a 1988 budget and still pinch a preliminary final berth, which is pretty amazing when you consider inflation and Aaron Moule being in his mid-40s.
So before we herald the dawning of a sweet new post-Smith era of decline, here is your annual reminder: the Storm can take anything this game throws at them. It’s thanks to their resilience, and the champagne goggles.
(Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images)
This start-up club from Victoria leads the way in rugby league, and frankly, is incontrovertibly better than most of us in the game, bar Wayne Bennett and Rabs.
Even without family or a home ground last year, Melbourne predictably conformed to the Peter V’Landys rule changes better than anyone, so we can’t even rule out the possibility they’ll win all three grades this year, probably within the same afternoon.
It’s possible because they don’t get overawed by their own radiant reflection after winning nothing except 17 straight games, they don’t sign coaches to six year deals, and they don’t get involved with Israel Folau unless it’s the pre-hype, pre-intolerant version.
At the heart of the operation is Craig Bellamy, who is peerlessly honest in his work ethic and standards, but regrettably, not his periodic claims of retiring.
And this is the reason the Victorian powerhouse will remain supreme – because when it comes to the Storm coach, the more things change, the more he stays insane.
His methods work, because a standard mercilessly instilled in a Billy Slater is one as mercilessly instilled in an Anthony Quinn, or in a bloke who drinks hard and calls himself ‘Cheese.’
However, there is no doubt Bellamy will face his greatest challenge in the role after Smith’s departure.
The supercoach has a litany of issues to tackle, like ensuring Cameron Munster fits in to his system by not being too brilliant, and back-filling the hooker position with a surplus of outrageously good replacements.
This will involve adjusting Harry Grant to NRL standard by diminishing him from dominating interstate footy, and luring Brandon Smith away from suitors and Cavill Avenue.
Besides Tino Fa’asuamaleaui departing for the Gold Coast and the early loss of Dale Finucane and Grant to injury, even their indefatigable forward pack remains largely the same. But that doesn’t matter, because we don’t rate them anyway.
While the backline is sans Suliasu Vunivalu, there’s still Jahrome Hughes, Ryan Papenhuyzen and Justin Olam, the latter who produced a customary breakout year on cheap money, meaning he’s probably 1-2 years away from an obligatory departure to the Tigers for huge money/retirement.
Add the fact they are back at home, and Cameron Smith is not officially retired from footy or being a sneaky bugger, and the consumer warning is stronger than ever.
And with Cooper Cronk re-entering the fold from the Roosters, there’s no better warning they’re still up to their old tricks. Because there’s nothing more Melbourne than a former player discreetly receiving two wages.
Kman
Roar Rookie
Just brilliant as always Dane! Good to see your form is continuing into the new season, and that you have not lost any of your edge during the off season!! :thumbup: Looking forward to more Eldridge magic this season.
Big Mig
Roar Rookie
The Great Dane, brilliant words "...with Cooper Cronk re-entering the fold from the Roosters, there’s no better warning they’re still up to their old tricks. Because there’s nothing more Melbourne than a former player discreetly receiving two wages." I am waiting for Cameron Smith to sit up in the bunker as a consultant for Storm games (of course, with Bellamy's blessings).
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Thanks for all the feedback, legends! Bloody good for footy to be back. Bring on the unattainable ref standards and bickering
Train Without A Station
Roar Guru
More so less board maneuverings, coach sackings, etc. was what I was getting at. But you are probably right that a level of anonymity means Storm players get away with a little more.
Mooty
Roar Rookie
You make a good point. I imagine most Storm players can wander around Melbourne unrecognised, therefore they are left alone. Whereas in Sydney and Brisbane it’s the exact opposite, particularly at night where they attract all sorts of drunk wannabe superheroes, with every man and their dog taking phone photos to sell to the nrl or the media
The Late News
Roar Rookie
Its almost as good as seeking clearance from Clarence.
Train Without A Station
Roar Guru
Yeah but most League media is made up of controversy, so the Storm don't add a lot of column inches there.
kk
Roar Pro
"getting permission from Buzz"... love it
Paul
Roar Guru
Now the footy season is just about complete, with the sting of the mighty Danes first piece for the new season. The Storm are a pretty fair target to pick on first up, given Cam Smith "disappearing" to give a tell-all two part story to Oprah ( you heard it here first folks), Cooper Cronk being a nice bloke and helping out his cashed up former Clubs for a large whack without getting permission from Buzz, while Craig Bellamy is letting the media stew over whether we're going to see vision of him trying to destroy coaches boxes in 2022. And all this before they've done anything on the footy field for the rest of us jealous non-Storm fans to get enraged about. You've set the bar high (or low, depending how you look at it), with this first story Dane. I'm sure you will come up with lots more profundities for the rest of us mortals to enjoy.
Nat
Roar Guru
I was getting toward 'puff piece' then nicely savaged in the last line! Nice.
Nat
Roar Guru
Good to see you kk. :thumbup:
kk
Roar Pro
Good season opener, Dane. The jungle drums say you are in for a big one. Coop is just making up for lost opportunities. I recall him claiming he missed out when the caravans and boats were delivered in yesteryear. I believe him. Integrity still intact. A Storm side without Cam, Dale, Harry, Tino and Suli will be pressed to hold Souths. The game may be decided by play -the -ball penalties and 6- agains.
Mooty
Roar Rookie
Excellent article Dane, unfortunately not what the majority of rugby league supporters would find encouraging or interesting, given their parochialism. As an ex Victorian it is hard to find any news on the Storm, even in the Sydney and Brisbane papers there might be one tag on a week in each. The same goes for The Roar. We are talking about the most successful team of the last decade, not a continuing wooden spooner.
Chris
Roar Pro
Brilliant stuff Dane however I must correct you. Olam's breakout season means he will have another few good years at Storm before following in the footsteps of Vunivalu, Chambers, Koroibete, Waqa, Tomane, Folau and sign for a rugby union club in such exotic locations as France, Japan or Brisbane.
Tony
Roar Guru
Brilliant stuff again Dane and right on the money.. We know exactly what Melbourne will bring this year, and us fans of the clubs just making up the numbers aren't going to like it. You did fail to highlight one key fact though. If Cronk has returned to help Melbourne, however briefly, then Smith has been long gone from Victoria for some time, never to return