The AFL's ump dissent crackdown is fantastic- now it's time for the fans to be fixed

After 10 days of tiresome debate around the ‘arms out is 50’ directive and its inconsistent application by AFL umpires, things appeared to settle down considerably in Round 6.

While the players were somewhat aware of what was coming when the issue exploded in Round 5, the insufficiently briefed public and media raged, citing seemingly odd interpretations of dissent and an array of missed rulings where players extended their arms, pleading for explanations to decisions that had already been adjudicated upon.

The AFL’s General Manager of Football Brad Scott, famously respectful of umpires throughout his long and polite career, doubled down on the crackdown of players’ gesticulations towards officials, commanding the umpires to head out onto the field for the weekend’s matches just passed with the intention of applying something akin to a zero-tolerance policy to the behaviours.

As such, the players did as they normally do and adapted to the new and stricter definition of dissent. In my live commentary of matches across the weekend, it was obvious that players bit their tongues and held back when tempted to react; the seeds of a true cultural change in AFL football appear to have been laid.

Should expectations on players wane over the next few weeks, there will no doubt be a regression, yet Scott’s words were strong and seemingly committed to changing things at the very core.

As such, the football played was the focus in Round 6. Adelaide pulled off an upset against the Bulldogs, the Saints won their fifth match on the trot and ANZAC commemorations provided a typically classy backdrop to all the action. There was far less talk of dissent and with another month of consistent application of the rule, the issue could be dead and buried very quickly.

However, even if that does indeed play out, the issue of dissent expressed towards umpires from fans at the game will continue to provide the starkest of inconsistencies.

It seems quite mad that a player must clench his fists, grit his teeth and stand the mark on the outer wing, whilst 100 or so yobbos are free to let rip with vile verbal attacks on a poor innocent official.

The player is no longer permitted to thrust his arms in the air and appeal a decision, yet a bloke in the third row or a sheila in the fifth still has licence to say just about anything (as long as he or she stays away from racist or homophobic language).

She can stand up, boo, wave her arms, even flick the bird and there are no repercussions should she call the competent official a ‘dickhead’, a ‘wanker’, a ‘maggot’, or even worse, a ‘cheat’. He can release his anger, supported by a small group around him no doubt doing the same, and then resume his attack on a $45 pie.

How dare these people think that just because they pay good money, they’re entitled to carry on as if they own the place? It just isn’t cricket.

If Scott’s position that ‘there is no acceptable level of dissent’ is to be applied consistently, it only appears fair and appropriate that such an expectation be placed on everyone in the game. The AFL must instigate a no-hands out policy for all fans in stadiums as early as this coming weekend.

People generally enjoy a beverage, some food and each other’s company at football matches and all three can be kept in the game. However, the days of fans waving their arms in the air in exasperation over dubious umpiring decisions are over. Fans must be encouraged to keep their hands by their sides at all times, aside from when food or drink needs to be raised to the mouth, or applause be deemed necessary.

Actually, scratch that – all food should now be processed into liquid form, and each punter supplied with a straw so they can ingest it while keeping their arms safely offense-free at their sides.

The creation of a respectful environment is achievable and enforceable.

Whilst some may struggle with this initially, just like the players, they will adapt quickly and combined with a blanket ban on verbally questioning decisions – perhaps a deterrent such as having the tongues of particularly offensive supporters (sorry, Joffa) removed would work? – an acceptable level of decorum will be returned to the stands in a relatively short period of time.

A list of permitted comments should be handed to all fans on arrival at the ground. Gone will be any abusive and insulting references in relation to the intelligence, eyesight and/or competence of the umpires; replaced with acceptable phrases such as:

“Well, we were a little unlucky there.”

“I didn’t see it that way but the umpire is far more qualified than me.”

And of course: “It’s great to see our opposition playing so well”.

The refined and classy environment created would go a long way towards improving the game day experience. With fans seated still, hands by their sides and commenting politely on all the action unfolding, the AFL would quickly set a standard other sports will be desperate to emulate.

Any recalcitrant folk struggling with the physical changes to AFL fandom could be held in position by a roller-coaster styled safety harness that restricts movement. That mechanism would be locked and unlocked by a nearby security guard charged with overseeing a row of seats.

Any fan moving would be placed in the harness until such time as they have shown restraint and the guard satisfied they now pose no threat to the standard of behaviour at the match.

With one security guard per row of seats, the task of monitoring the verbal contributions of fans is also manageable, with any inappropriate comment necessitating the application of a leather muzzle for the remainder of the quarter.

Fans will follow the lead of the players, use the suggested comment sheet diligently and eliminate gesticulation in the stands in brisk time, with the game looking a whole lot better for it.

There may be some who question the above plan, citing cost and feasibility. However, there has never been a more important issue in the game, and these poor behaviours must be stamped out no matter the challenges that arise in doing so.

I look forward to the day when, seating at an AFL match, we can all enjoy the silence of passionate support, a true love for and appreciation of all umpires and a quiet stillness that allows fans to enjoy the game in a more spiritual way.

After all, isn’t that what footy is all about?