The Brisbane Broncos are in damage control, with bosses desperate to reverse the club’s frenetic spiral from becoming a once-mighty powerhouse to a feeder club for reserve grade.
But can the club ever realistically resuscitate its image to that of its famous glory days, back when it was a feeder club for the Titans?
With the hierarchy all out of ideas for a rescue plan – and unable to mimic the more successful clubs after Robbie Farah made himself unavailable for beers – there’s only one option left, and that’s to blame it all on:
Anthony Seibold
As the man who steered the club’s irreversible descent in to the cellar, Seibold is the low hanging fruit for malnourished and hangry Broncos fans.
This whole debacle is definitely his fault, even despite making more tackles last year than Darius Boyd.
Anthony Milford
Even after two weeks in reggies, Milford has strengthened his status as one of the Brisbane faithful’s prime piñatas. They just wish he could be more like David Fifita, i.e. at another club.
Paul White
Never forgiven as the CEO who oversaw Brisbane being shamefully overtaken by the Melbourne Storm as Queensland’s flagship club.
However, fans are praying new CEO Dave Donaghy can implement the famous Melbourne model at the Broncos by stealing the best players from the Broncos for the Broncos.
Wayne Bennett
The sole reason Broncos fans expect premierships like continental breakfasts. His aura at the club remains prominent, with the club hiring Kevin Walters to recreate the spirit of his early century reign.
Regrettably, they failed to realise Walters is now middle-aged and unable to play five-eighth without developing gout.
Darren Lockyer
In his role as recruitment guru, the former skipper has demonstrated the same staggering vision from his playing career by spotting Billy Slater, Cooper Cronk, Cameron Smith, Cameron Munster and Sam Walker in his periphery, and opting instead to go the blindside.
Hasn’t left the club’s playmaker stocks totally empty-handed though, with the club boasting an impressive array of speculated links to Karmichael Hunt.
Kevin Walters
Currently immune from blame while in the honeymoon period, yet stands one Kotoni Staggs-departure away from earning the true ire of the Broncos, i.e. an eye-watering payout.
Nevertheless, has set about answering the call to restore spirit in the playing group by changing the halves twice a week and axing Tom Dearden to reserve grade for signing elsewhere, as if it’s some kind of deterrent.
Broncos Old Boys
Besides tearing down the organisation by complaining like boomers, the former players are solely responsible for poor goal-line defence because today’s players didn’t get plastered with them at the races.
Apparently the aura of a retired Bronco has an acute positive impact on performance, even despite the team already spending 76 minutes a week in the presence of Allan Langer on the paddock.
Cameron Smith
Selfishly abandoned the club when they weren’t interested in him to join a more successful and capably-run organisation.
Couldn’t even show the Broncos the respect of a rumoured link after retirement, instead preferring to tenuously string along the Titans. Deserves everything he gets (three premierships).
Ben Hunt
One of the most culpable Broncos in history. Abandoned the club for big money to go elsewhere to be scapegoated, when he should’ve remained at Brisbane for less money to be scapegoated.
Should be extradited and punished with a season taking notes for The Coach Whisperer.
Buck the Bronco
The Broncos are in the midst of a startling 13-game losing streak on the road, and Buck has not been spotted at one of these matches.
Shame on you, mascot horse.
Kman
Roar Rookie
Dane, unlike the Broncos, there's nothing wrong with your form. This one is a peach and had me in stitches! :laughing: But's pretty close to the bone.....
Duncan Smith
Roar Guru
Funny stuff, Dane. The Ben Hunt scapegoat line made me laugh.
Rellum
Roar Guru
Buc is loving this year. Gets to chill out with a beverage on the sidelines chatting to all and sundry, no annoying laps to run.
Dutski
Roar Guru
Thanks to that last line I’m now cleaning up a mouthful of corn chips I sprayed across the kitchen. Shame on you, mascot horse indeed!
mushi
Roar Guru
I think Buck's scared of PVL
kk
Roar Pro
Dane, I think of this young player ten times a day. The group of young stars appearing on our screens (class of '21?) are the most exciting I have enjoyed for ages. Josh Shuster has me reassessing Manly into top 8. Scott Fulton is truly a visionary.
Dingo
Roar Rookie
I think the Bronco's coaching position is a poisoned chalice following Anthony Siebold's foray. Poor Kevie, poor any coach who took over the reins. Good article, good giggle. 'Lets go Broncos'
Dane Eldridge
Expert
KK, to share the responsibility evenly across the board typifies the egalitarian ways of modern society. You are a visionary
kk
Roar Pro
Straight thinking, Dane. Share the wealth : Share the misery : Share the blame. They should all be made have a go at bull riding when the next rodeo comes to town. Bullplops weigh heavier than Horseplops and may offer a softer landing. That eight seconds should clear the air.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
I was thinking that, but then I remembered Brisbane's demise is in the national interest!
Dane Eldridge
Expert
That "interview" sounds ominous, Paul. Maybe even as bad as one with Roving Sam Thaiday
JOHN ALLAN
Guest
No blame should be directed towards Buck as he has been a very “stable” (pun intended) team member. I recall when the Broncos were putting 50 or more points on visiting teams at Suncorp & Buck was so overworked, I thought the RSPCA may intervene as a result of his workload.
Paul
Roar Guru
Can't believe the Storm don't rate a huge mention in the Bronco's Blame Game, Dane? After all, they had the audacity to to take Brisbane cast offs and turn them into Hall Of Fame players. I'm pretty sure the bloke who introduced the expression "no pain, no gain" to the Broncs when they were starting their downhill slide, is also being hunted by the Brisbane Board. Rumour has it all those mentioned in this article are going to be "interviewed" by the Spanish Inquisition.
armc2906
Roar Rookie
Great article Dane! Can we also blame Channel 9 for insisting on keeping the Broncos on prime-time most weeks? Thus giving an even greater audience for their weekly on-field surrender?
Phil
Roar Rookie
You've absolutely nailed it with that story. The Broncos, the team I loved to hate but now feel some sympathy for them. It used to be good when they were strong, itching for their next game hoping to see them get belted. Now, it's not good because you know they will most likely get belted.
Gray-Hand
Roar Rookie
He’s had it way too good for way too long.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
About time that horse was called out
Dane Eldridge
Expert
A commercial silver lining in the club's darkest era
Luke S
Roar Rookie
I love the Broncos but your article still made me laugh (and if you don't laugh, you'll cry)! I guess that makes me a bad person :( I think you could make some coin if you put the 'Shame on you, mascot horse' line on a t-shirt! (it also works for the Australian Olympic equestrian team when it has a dry run!)
Jordan
Guest
As a non-broncos fan in a group of Broncos of fans I'm having the time of my life, you're right about no Buck one of my favorite things was hurling abuse at that horse for not doing enough much to the chagrin of those around me.