Broncos crisis: Keep calm and blame one individual entirely

The Brisbane Broncos are in damage control, with bosses desperate to reverse the club’s frenetic spiral from becoming a once-mighty powerhouse to a feeder club for reserve grade.

But can the club ever realistically resuscitate its image to that of its famous glory days, back when it was a feeder club for the Titans?

With the hierarchy all out of ideas for a rescue plan – and unable to mimic the more successful clubs after Robbie Farah made himself unavailable for beers – there’s only one option left, and that’s to blame it all on:

Anthony Seibold
As the man who steered the club’s irreversible descent in to the cellar, Seibold is the low hanging fruit for malnourished and hangry Broncos fans.

This whole debacle is definitely his fault, even despite making more tackles last year than Darius Boyd.

Anthony Seibold. (Chris Hyde/Getty Images)

Anthony Milford
Even after two weeks in reggies, Milford has strengthened his status as one of the Brisbane faithful’s prime piñatas. They just wish he could be more like David Fifita, i.e. at another club.

Paul White
Never forgiven as the CEO who oversaw Brisbane being shamefully overtaken by the Melbourne Storm as Queensland’s flagship club.

However, fans are praying new CEO Dave Donaghy can implement the famous Melbourne model at the Broncos by stealing the best players from the Broncos for the Broncos.

Wayne Bennett
The sole reason Broncos fans expect premierships like continental breakfasts. His aura at the club remains prominent, with the club hiring Kevin Walters to recreate the spirit of his early century reign.

Regrettably, they failed to realise Walters is now middle-aged and unable to play five-eighth without developing gout.

Wayne Bennett and Anthony Seibold (Mark Kolbe/Chris Hyde/Getty Images)

Darren Lockyer
In his role as recruitment guru, the former skipper has demonstrated the same staggering vision from his playing career by spotting Billy Slater, Cooper Cronk, Cameron Smith, Cameron Munster and Sam Walker in his periphery, and opting instead to go the blindside.

Hasn’t left the club’s playmaker stocks totally empty-handed though, with the club boasting an impressive array of speculated links to Karmichael Hunt.

Kevin Walters
Currently immune from blame while in the honeymoon period, yet stands one Kotoni Staggs-departure away from earning the true ire of the Broncos, i.e. an eye-watering payout.

Nevertheless, has set about answering the call to restore spirit in the playing group by changing the halves twice a week and axing Tom Dearden to reserve grade for signing elsewhere, as if it’s some kind of deterrent.

(Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images)

Broncos Old Boys
Besides tearing down the organisation by complaining like boomers, the former players are solely responsible for poor goal-line defence because today’s players didn’t get plastered with them at the races.

Apparently the aura of a retired Bronco has an acute positive impact on performance, even despite the team already spending 76 minutes a week in the presence of Allan Langer on the paddock.

Cameron Smith
Selfishly abandoned the club when they weren’t interested in him to join a more successful and capably-run organisation.

Couldn’t even show the Broncos the respect of a rumoured link after retirement, instead preferring to tenuously string along the Titans. Deserves everything he gets (three premierships).

Ben Hunt
One of the most culpable Broncos in history. Abandoned the club for big money to go elsewhere to be scapegoated, when he should’ve remained at Brisbane for less money to be scapegoated.

Should be extradited and punished with a season taking notes for The Coach Whisperer.

Buck the Bronco
The Broncos are in the midst of a startling 13-game losing streak on the road, and Buck has not been spotted at one of these matches.

Shame on you, mascot horse.