They'll put down their guns, turn off Fox News and lay down their greenbacks - PVL's Vegas vision

ARLC chairman Peter V’landys has a vision. Or another vision. After destroying rugby union and building coliseums in every city, the NRL boss wants to conquer the USA.

Starting in the gambling capital, Las Vegas, V’landys is set to command the forces of rugby league as he sweeps like the conquistadors across the plains of the midwest, up and down the coast of California, invading the southern states (only held back from Mexico by Trump’s wall) before landing in the Big Apple and taking New York by (Melbourne) storm.

Americas, we are assured, will take to rugby league like a duck takes to hunting season. They will put down their guns. They will switch off Fox News. They will stop suing each other. Instead, millions of Americans will tune in to watch the Redcliffe Dolphins battle the Newcastle Knights at the 65,000-capacity Allegiant Stadium in Vegas.

This is what America needs more than anything: rugby league. And rugby league cheersquads. Wait till they get a gander at our entertainment! Those Las Vegans will surely be impressed. Nobody does razzle-dazzle like the NRL.
Best of all is that Americans will bet, and bet big, on the league.

Sure, they might not understand the rules, but 45 million Americans don’t understand the rules of voting either. Never mind that Las Vegans will have a different view of what an ‘escort’ is; that they may ponder how much it costs for a ‘hands in the ruck infringement’; or think a ‘hip drop’ is a dance move. These league terms will easily translate to gambling-loving Americans.

It’s men running into each other. And there’s a ball that can be passed and kicked. It sort of looks a bit like gridiron, so it’s easy to be captivated by Mr V’landys’ vision. You could bet on the score, how many head high tackles per game, which player goes the hair pull, when will Josh Reynolds have his mouth taped shut, who Ricky Stuart will blame for the loss. It’s mind-boggling what Americans could wager on.

V’landys may be right in assuming Americans do not have enough opportunities to bet on sport. They may have national competitions in football, baseball, basketball, soccer, ice hockey, however, there is obviously room for wagering on the NRL. What Americans, we are told, want is more sports to gamble on. And what better sport than a relatively obscure code of football played professionally in a half dozen countries?

The NRL’s vision for Vegas is based on how much revenue can be garnered from wagering content, which makes you wonder why the chair is so focused on the US market when China would be a more saleable nation in which to stage NRL clashes?

Dragons facing Tigers, Warriors clashing with Titans, Rabbits against Dogs – these are games ready-made for the Asian gambling market. China, with 1.4 billion people, would certainly offer more viewers, and more gamblers, and more gambling adverts. And if the Chinese Communist Party sanctions league as the official sport of the People’s Republic… well, let’s not get ahead of the NRL’s master plan.

Ben Hunt speaks to his team during the Charity Shield thumping in Mudgee. (Photo by Mark Kolbe/Getty Images)

But V’landys has a vision, and who are we to quibble over which superpower is going to invest more in rugby league? First, conquer America. Then we can turn our attention to winning over the National People’s Congress.

However, the NRL needs to bring more than just the vision to Vegas if it’s going to win over the hearts and minds of the US of A. They need to bring Australian commentators, too.

Americans would just love to hear Phil Gould and Johnathan Thurston talking about the day at Brookey when Joshy gave it to Simmo big time (cue: laughter in the commentary box). Our AUKUS allies would be enthralled at chatter about TV shows the commentators are watching, the big race at Flemington, the traffic in Cronulla, Ryan Papenhuyzen’s hairdresser…

Americans could even bet on what language Brad Fittler is speaking. The possibilities are endless.

The vision for Vegas is also about Australia’s position on the world stage. We’re sick of Yanks bringing their Major League Baseball, basketball, and NFL teams here for sold-out exhibition games. Ever since General Douglas MacArthur landed here after his shock loss in the Philippines and lauded it over the Diggers, we’ve been itching to stick it to the Americans.

It’s time we took the Titans and Bulldogs over there and showed them how it’s done (and don’t forget to wager, that’s the most important thing).

No expense should be spared in the vision for Vegas. It’s the future of rugby league.