With football suspended indefinitely due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, the AFL has attempted to fill the gap in fan’s lives today by genuinely announcing an Australian Dice Football League in partnership with Telstra.
We’re not kidding. This is genuine news.
See, there’s even a logo!
Beginning tomorrow (Friday, May 8) and running for four weeks, comedian Andy Lee will play host as representatives from each AFL club roll two dice at a time to determine the scores for what would have been Rounds 8-11 in the AFL proper.
As the press release so helpfully pointed out, “The first roll determines the goals (6 points per goal), and the second roll the behinds (1 point per behind). For example, when Patrick Dangerfield rolls a four and a two, that would be four goals and two behinds, a total of 26 points for Geelong Cats for the quarter.”
If we’re reading this right, that means both ‘players’ will roll a pair of dice four times, which will then be used to mock up a score for that match. Incredible.
The AFL’s general manager of growth, digital and audiences, Darren Birch, said “It’s not quite footy as we know it, but through this uncertainty, we can explore and experiment with some new ways to keep our fans entertained whilst giving our players the chance to perform in a totally different environment.”
(Not quite footy as we know it?)
Fans will be able to watch every match of the ‘season’ live via the official AFL website, with the first round of fixtures as follows.
ADFL Round 1 fixtures
North Melbourne (Ben Brown) vs Hawthorn (James Sicily)
St Kilda (Seb Ross) vs Carlton (Eddie Betts)
Brisbane (Lachie Neale) vs Richmond (Jack Riewoldt)
Geelong (Joel Selwood) vs Essendon (Dyson Heppell)
Western Bulldogs (Easton Wood) vs Gold Coast (Lachie Weller)
West Coast (Josh Kennedy) vs Sydney (Josh Kennedy)
Adelaide (Fischer McAsey) vs Fremantle (David Mundy)
Melbourne (Christian Petracca) vs Port Adelaide (Connor Rozee)
GWS (Stephen Coniglio) vs Collingwood (Brodie Grundy)
Paul D
Roar Rookie
Collingwood get to roll a D20, but come the grand final it always rolls a 1
Clay
Roar Pro
Can we get AFLX back? Please?
Clay
Roar Pro
Genuinely thought this was satire the whole way through.
Tim Carter
Roar Pro
Truly Australia's game
Dutski
Roar Guru
And this is what happens if people don't read the labels and end up drinking the disinfectant...
David Cannan
Guest
Betcha Selwood will still come out of it with a split eyebrow
Gary
Roar Rookie
And who is adding up the scores? If teams need to recruit a player from the state leagues that can do multiplication and addition, does this go toward the team’s player salary cap, or the footy dept soft cap? – carlton wouldn’t declare it anyway :laughing:
Samuel Laffy
Roar Guru
High scoring restricted once again by the AFL with the use of only six-sided die. Typical.
Peter the Scribe
Roar Guru
I hear Carlton were banned from the competition for loading the dice and the Bombers dice are suspiciously larger than the rest.
Liam Salter
Roar Guru
As per the media release: "Australian Dice Football is the perfect stay-at-home substitute for our favourite winter pastime" I beg to differ.
Matches
Roar Rookie
will there be a tribunal and where will suspensions be served?
Matches
Roar Rookie
I bet Richmond gets three dice :angry:
DingoGray
Roar Guru
Is a very badly delayed April Fools joke?
Dexter The Hamster
Roar Rookie
This mickey mouse stuff might be a bit of fun, but what happens when a player from your club gets injured and misses games once the season is back on?? Might be alright for the Carlton boys, what with their strong wrists and all, but hate to lose big Brodie for the season proper.....
Yobbo
Guest
Plenty of incredible sports video games out there. I'll go play The Golf Club 2019 or Pro Evo, maybe a bit of NBA. Maybe AFL should get it's finger out and help build a decent computer game. The new AFL Evo looks okay and is on the right track. I reckon AFL Evo 5 or 6 at this rate will be pretty decent by 2020 standards.
PriddisJunior
Roar Rookie
I don't know, have heard of some rewatching last years grandfinal.
Stirling Coates
Editor
I'm certainly not.
Chris
Guest
Yes. We are. Just waiting for sports bets odds
Scott Pryde
Expert
I don't think sports fans are that desperate for content are they?
Tara
Guest
Are all the players in hubs