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After a long off-season of tedious trials and innuendo the entire rugby league population is looking forward to round 1 like Charlie Sheen looks forward to an alcoholic beverage.
Whilst it is but one game in a long, grinding, season often the initial round carries with it an excess of amount of importance. Which is great if you’re team fires, but what about when it all goes horribly wrong?
Here are five uninspiring debuts.
Adrian Vowels and the North Queensland Cowboys (Round 1, 1995)
In a match that more or less summed up their first decade in the competition, the Cowboys were belted 32-16 by the previous season’s runners-up in the Bulldogs.
History shows though that the Cowboys were actually lucky to take the field at all, with minor details like the players’ jerseys and actual players (Jonathon Davies) only sorted out in the direct lead up towards the game.
Things were going ok with the scores locked 8-8 all after 20min in front of a big crowd, before former QLD bench player and future Scottish international Adrian Vowels was sent from the field. From this point the Bulldogs posted a cool 24 points and the Cowboys gun hooker Dean Schifilliti suffered a season ending injury.
From this match the tone was pretty much set for the year with the Cowboys making a debut season pretty similar to Ben Elton’s TV show by winning all of two games, sacking their coach, a couple of players and using six captains.
On a brighter note for Vowels however he did get to be one of these captains …but then again so did Bruce Sinclair.
Craig Wing’s Rabbitohs (Round 1, 2008)
To say there was a fair bit of excitement regarding Craig Wing’s return to Redfern for season 2008 is a bit like saying Souths struggled a bit for form in the 90’s. Forget killing the fattened lamb for the bloke, Wing was set to be Souths’ Terry. Lamb. Stay with me people.
After a constant diet of Walkers and Wes Pattens here was the chance for a rejuvenated Souths side to have a top shelf play maker pulling the strings. And, to top it off, he was a local junior to boot who could string two words together and looked good in tight pink pants.
And it all went so swimmingly … for 8min before Rooster rookie Riley Brown was involved in what has come to be known in alarmist sports journalist circles as “Prowler-gate.”
Whilst suspended in the air by Roosters players Anthony Tupou and bastard son of Souths (and main walk off rival) Braith Anasta, Wing had his back turned towards the defending team where Brown launched himself at an exposed Wing like Peter Peters on a Sizzler buffet-and the prowler tackle was born.
The tackle made Wing leave the field immediately with a serious injury and a whole bunch of ring-in celebrity Souths fans checking their bedside drawers for the receipts for their new scarfs.
Souths golden boy Wing would only appear sporadically towards the end of a disappointing season whilst Brown escaped charge for the tackle…before being removed from the game by one Jack Ruby. Or breaking his arm and moving to the Gold Coast, whatever.
Garrick Morgan and the Sth QLD Crushers (Not round 1, 1995)
Technically this didn’t happen in round 1, but I’ve been busting to write about Garrick Morgan for some time now and it was still pretty early in the season.
In 1994, with four new clubs entering the Winfield Cup in 1995, players had to come from somewhere. With rugby union privately fighting their own payment battles some ARL clubs decided to take a punt on their cross-code brethren.
I mean why not? This was prior to official professional rugby union, players were looking to make a buck and some great rugby league players including the enigmatic Wigan flyer Martin Offiah had started out playing rugby union – what’s the worst that could happen?
Well, Garrick Morgan could happen that’s what and whilst with Offiah Wigan had got custard the Crushers, with Morgan, got mustard.
On the surface it looked so good. Morgan was 6ft 6 inches, just hitting his prime at 24 and was a hometown hero as well. You could hear Darryl Van Der Velde and Bill Gardner laughing all the way to the XXXX brewery. Who could stop this juggernaut???
As it was it didn’t take long to find out. In Morgan’s first game in first grade (close to Rd 1 trust me), on his first hit up, the 6ft 6 Wallaby wrecking ball was picked up and driven back by none other than …Geoff Toovey. Err, expecting somebody else?
Sure Toovey was tough, Tommy tough in fact, but how many big hits did he pull off in his career? He was the kicking tee with cauliflower ears!
Needless to say this hardly inspired Mario, St John Ellis etc and Morgan would retire from the game halfway through the season with two first grade appearances under his belt to continue his successful rugby union career. The message of this story?
Well I think it’s something along the lines of Brad Thorn might be more skilled than we ever imagined and Parra might want to start putting some lemonade on ice for Israel.
Manly (Round 1 1988)
Back in the good old days ,new teams would come into the comp, serve as cannon fodder for a few years then slowly buy back all their juniors as well as Graham Murray then come good in a decade or so (see Illawarra, Nth Qld etc). The Broncos were never going to be one of those teams.
Everyone knew the Broncos would be fair chop from day one. They didn’t know, however, that by the end of round 1 1988, Ken Arthurson would have turned emo listening to depressing music and telling everyone that he “didn’t even care anymore” who won the comp (probably).
The Sea Eagles first game of 88 was a bit like your primary school bully’s first day of high school. Manly were left embarrassed, fearful and minus their underwear in the case of Don Mckinnon.
The defending premiers had all but ushered in the legion of doom as the Broncos slaughtered Vautin’s side and sent shockwaves through the NSWRL.
Life as we knew it, no longer existed. The Broncos would surely destroy the finely balanced competition making the game a laughing stock… but of course none of this eventuated. Well…not for another decade anyway.
Half the comp, Round 1 1996
While we’re mentioning the war, how good was round 1 1996?
Nothing gets the fans pumped like half the comp forfeiting, something called Global League (not a typo unfortunately) and the federal court going to the video ref.
All Super League clubs (bar the Warriors) boycotted the opening round of the 1996 season leaving an embarrassing situation for all and sundry. So many teams boycotted that teams forfeited games against sides who had already forfeited.
Some players simply sat out the round, as did the majority of fans with an average attendance of 7550 for the round (trolls insert A-League joke here).
It has been conservatively estimated by David Middleton at Phillips Street that if internet forums and fantasy football were as popular in 96 as in 2011, that the resulting footy nerd negative energy backlash would have been great enough to tear a hole in the rugby league space time continuum.
We would all live in alternate reality where Wayne Bennett coaches St George and everyone only wears white football boots.
But then again, maybe not.
Vic
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