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First off, Welcome home. It is good to see you back where you belong. How was your adventure? We missed you. It hasn’t quite been the same without you.
Us? Oh, we’ve been ok. We nearly made the grand final in 2011. Oh but for the knee of Gerard Beale, what might have been. Since then things have been pretty quiet up here. A bit of kerfuffle about the salary cap, but I guess that’s what happens when the foals are let loose to run the place.
Now that you’re back though, I just have a few questions I would like to ask.
Not to be rude, but, why are you back? I know you must miss your family, and Brissy is a top place. But what are your intentions with us? I really want to know.
See, some people are saying you just want the pay cheque, and that it will be easy money ’til you retire in three years. However, I feel like it might be more than that. I wonder if it’s that maybe you have seen the club you helped build into the most powerful force in Australian sports, adrift in a fog of mediocrity.
I’m sure that it has been a tough year in Newcastle, with some at the club calling for your blood. But how quickly they forget last year’s surge to the penultimate round. And with a team bereft of superstars.
And St George are just jelly that you love us more. How could you not? We are the chosen people here in the sunshine state.
Did you hear we won Origin for eight years in a row? They got it this year but they kind of cheated, maybe. Did you see that second game? I’m pretty sure the refs thought we were back in the old five-metre days.
I’m also going to mention Josh Reynolds being terrible because that seems to be all anyone is talking about at the moment.
So here’s what’s going on with the team.
Josh ‘The Hoff’ Hoffman is back at fullback and loving it. Dan Vidot is going pretty good too. Dale Copley is tearing it up, Martin Kennedy is tearing his calf and a few are even tearing up at the loss of Antony Griffin.
Justin Hodges is injured. Ha, what a shock. In other news, Black Caviar wins and the South Pole is cold.
Ben Hunt has come of age, or has he? It’s a bit hard to tell. Maybe. Josh McGuire is going alright, like, starting front row alright.
Andrew McCullough was going good. But we’ve lost Jake Granville. That guy can move. Corey Parker is a gun. In fact if the army could work out how to weaponise him we’d be a step closer to world domination.
Todd Lowrie keeps getting named but I look and look and I can’t see him anywhere. I think they should nickname him bigfoot. Sam Thaiday was never really the captain if we are all being honest.
Ben Barba, of Dally M-winning fame, isn’t quite as bad at five-eighth as he was at fullback.
Anthony Milford is coming next year, which is good because we only have like three other fullbacks. So you should bring Darius Boyd along. If you can, get Greg Inglis to come too – and make him play just inside Darius.
Anyway I feel like everyone is busting a gut, we just need a bit of direction. Griffin is apparently a nice guy, but you can see him making apprentice moves and we just can’t afford the three years until he is a top-eight coach.
So welcome back, but please don’t play with our hearts. We really want to win another premiership. It has been almost a decade – that is like forty horse years, Wayne.
Regards, A Hopeful Fan
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