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“God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…” – The Serenity Prayer, Reinhold Niebuhr
Perhaps those holy words were penned with the game played in heaven in mind.
We’ve grown tired of talking about Wallaby coach Ewen McKenzie’s often-incomprehensible selections and tactical decision-making.
So in the interest of accepting that which we cannot change, it might be refreshing to shift gears and see what we can take away from the Rugby Championship to date. What could McKenzie do to make the team better?
Well, on a dark and stormy night a few years back an old coach of mine gave me some insight into the game which has proven true ever since.
His name was Spud, he played the game for the better part of three decades and sporting his trademark bomber jacket and aviators, he could generally be found in the club house with beer in, hand spinning Zavos-ian quality rants about the history of the game and how it should be played.
He said to me, “Alex, in any rugby team you must pick three players before all others. First, you pick your captain. Second, you pick your kicker…” He paused to take a puff of what I guess was his 60th cigarette of the day. “And third, you pick an absolute bloody mongrel.”
Spud explained that a “mongrel” was an enforcer who understood the line between playing clean and playing dirty, and would tiptoe towards latter on appropriate occasion.
No other player has such an ability to influence the 30 men on the field, because the mongrel plays the mental game. He knows his actions can wake up his team, rattle the other, slow down the game, or distract a key player at the right moment.
Before anyone gets all indignant and starts explaining how that’s not in the spirit of the game, that it has no place in the professional era and so on, don’t kid yourself. If you have ever played club rugby you would know that so long as the player doesn’t take it too far, it is absolutely in the spirit of rugby. Indeed, it is commonplace.
Ask the Super Rugby champion Waratahs’ resident mongrel Jacques Potgieter. Being a mongrel made him a cult hero and lifted a forward pack that was not the most technically skilled in the competition to a new level. Failing that, ask Potgieter’s mongrel 2IC Kane Douglas, who embraced the role and found the form of his career.
Fernandez Lobbe of the Pumas, and pretty much any All Black prop from the last decade qualify too. The Springboks have a squad full of these players, mostly in the second row or named du Plessis.
Where is the Wallabies’ mongrel? Potegiter and Douglas are ineligible, albeit for different reasons, and our incumbent second rowers, while improving, are hardly intimidating compared to Duane Vermeulen, Victor Matfield, Brodie Retallick and Kieran Reid.
Wycliff Palu is often tagged the enforcer but physical or not he is about as intimidating as Labrador without ball in hand. Scott Higginbotham gets an honorary mention, but spends too much time away from the ruck.
Mongrels players are the heart, soul and attitude of a forward pack, the hard bastards who are first to the melee and last to leave, smiling the whole time.
Conrad Smith, who knows a thing or two about rugby, recently said that body language is a huge part of our game, so to drive home my point I’m going to issue you all a challenge.
For Round 6 of the Rugby Championship, watch the Pumas, Springboks and All Blacks forwards during breaks in play. Watch the way they stand, the way they confront each other – they never ever take a backwards step. It’s as if every face-off was life or death.
Then, watch the Wallaby pack. The belief is there, but the presence is not. It’s like a four-year-old threatening to run away from home mid-tantrum – you know he’s not going to go through with it.
So, what to do? Perhaps scour the National Rugby Championship for the biggest and angriest lock who has sound fundamentals and give him a go. Or introduce a post-match award and bonus for controlled aggression to kick-start the culture, albeit an unofficial one (these things aren’t politically correct after all).
Perhaps we can train up Will Skelton, or forge Mr Potgieter some residency papers. I don’t know.
What I do know is the Wallabies must find a mongrel or two. Fast.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.