Pre-season training for most AFL clubs’ first-to-fouth-year players began yesterday, heralding the beginning of one of the slowest times for AFL news.
Although we have the draft and the launch of the AFL Women’s league on the horizon, most of the news coming out of AFL clubs for the next few months will be little more than an endless parade of the same stock-standard cliches and well-worn themes.
How do we keep ourselves entertained throughout this dry, dusty wasteland? AFL pre-season bingo of course – if you can’t escape the cliches, you might as well make a game of them.
How does it work? Basically, you score some points whenever:
1. You read any of these phrases – “tearing up the track”, “having his best pre-season yet,” or “the 3km time trial was a killer”.
2. A new recruit mentions “getting around the boys and says they’re settling in well at the club.
3. Someone debates altitude training versus heat training.
4. Players go on a community camp.
5. Players or clubs talk about sticking to strict diets over Christmas.
6. First-year players say that the set up from under-18s to senior footy is “massive”, “huge” or “challenging.”
7. A new player plays the first week of the NAB Challenge and is said to be a ‘lock’ for Round 1.
8. Fantasy footy coaches debate which rookies will play Round 1 – and wind up picking players who don’t play all year.
9. The coach says a player is “taking his game to new levels”. Bonus point if it’s a player you’ve never heard of.
10. Players talk about how this hardest pre-season they’ve ever done.
11. New recruits talk about “earning the respect of their teammates” or “earning a spot in the team”.
12. Younger players get eased into training.
13. A team plays a pre-season match in a town you’ve never heard of.
What are your favourite cliches to cling to in the AFL pre-season?
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