Crack a tinny and park ya carcass on the sofa, yours truly is now calling the shots at NRL HQ.
Who am I? Who cares – populism is in the air and I’ve two attributes that make me a shoe in for the top job. I’ve no corporate experience and have been a league fan since the early eighties (Balmain and then the Bronx). See, I’m already more transparent than the current mob!
Right-tee-o, let’s set about making the greatest-game-of-all, great again. First order of business, cut the bloody half-time player interviews – effective immediately. Instead of a sweat fuelled, cliché ridden snooze fest, we’ll get league legends up, into the grandstand.
Park Blocker-Roach next to a few Wests Tigers fans and quiz em’ about the match. Have Beaver take the hill at Brookie and immerse himself in the Manly mentality. Imagine Freddie at his best, blowing the minds of Roosters fans at the SFS. Marvellous!
There is no mystery as to why sport is the one form of entertainment that just keeps on keeping on – authenticity. Doesn’t matter what happens in the promo or what the sponsors pay to have written in the press, the likes of Leo Messi, Roger Federer and Michael Phelps have to actually perform on the day, fakes get found out, even if they do win a few Tours de France in the meantime.
So what could be more authentic then interviewing real fans at half time and getting real stories. Why they support their team, why they came down to the ground and why they can’t afford a proper haircut. Jokes aside, that would be something I wouldn’t fast forward through, (I often tape matches on Fox – I have young kids).
Even if the NRL isn’t embarrassed by the obviously empty stadiums, I am. So let’s hear from the fans that actually make the effort to get down there, warts and all. I guarantee that would be much more illuminating than hearing some heaving bloke, gasp a comment about committing too many errors or following the game plan. No shit Sherlock – I just got through watching that 40 minutes myself!
Give me a half dozen Maoris in Auckland explaining whether or not the bro culture is really a thing. Let me hear from a few half-drunk Bulldogs fans explaining why props and halves really are interchangeable. Or better yet, have Danny Buderus get us a taste of the league’s most fervent fan-base out there at Newcastle.
Want a chaser for that strong shot of wisdom? Marketing clever-types seem all too keen to foist jersey variations on us, so why not have the fans return the favour? Open an online competition to all club members. The NRL could create a program to allow fans to design a jersey for their team. Each team select the version they like best and wear them during fan appreciation week.
Boom, guess who gets interviewed at half time that week! No jokes sports fans, this CEO gig, I was born for it.
Not sure how long I’ve got left as CEO so I’d better drop another executive order while I’m at it. Referees make decisions, some of which will be wrong, well at least from that angle I saw in the third replay. We could live with that easier if the freakin’ commentators were more consistent too. As CEO I can’t name names, but during a game in the first round or two one of the callers made so mad I set my own sofa on fire.
One team repeatedly infringed and the ref gave said team a warning that no more such play would be tolerated. The game caller commented something like, “Geez ref, how much more of that are you going to put up with.” Some time later in the game, more of the same occurred to which our learned commentator had this to say, “Oh no! I wouldn’t have set him to the bin just for that!”
So as CEO, I am now going to make commentators accountable for their inconsistent calls as well as refs. OH and if I hear any more in-game spruiking of reality T.V. shows of any kind, said commentator will be forced to participate in the following season of aforementioned show. Phil Gould headlining Married at First Sight – now that’s television!
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