While enjoying an Easter egg with my usual morning holy wine, I decided to mark this pertinent day in the religious calendar by returning to the divine scripture of the rugby league bible.
As I flicked through the well-worn pages past the Parramatta Jesus, through the chapter of Moses Mbye and eventually the additional volume for Jason Stevens, I came across a relevant excerpt which I found fitting for the theme of today.
Brothers and sisters, let us join hands as I share it with you.
“As the Lord rose from the dead to many gasps of disbelief from the collective chocolate-filled gob, he proclaimed such to his faithful. If thou struggles with retirement torpor or house repayments and thou yearn for that old feeling of tooth-jolting hit-up, follow my lead and you will be saved.” – John Simon 3:16.
Yes, not only did JC set the bar for waffling adages (there was another 72 pages of warnings about the boredom of the pre-season following that passage), he also holds the Guinness world mark in whopper rebounds – two of rugby league’s great elements that inspire many to this very day.
With holy spirits like Brad Fittler, Steve Menzies and Eric Grothe Jr already exhuming their boots in 2014, I thought I should dig up a few examples of modern footy that were inspired by the testament’s greatest brush with the restorative power of the magic sponge.
Let us give thanks, in tacky ‘top five’ form.
5. Darren Smith – One of his 326 last suppers
One of rugby league’s most valued journeymen, Smith was considered a buried force at international level after scarpering overseas for the superannuation boost of the English Super League in 2003.
Yet cometh the holy trinity of serendipity: a foggy Kangaroo Tour around Britain, old chum Wayne Bennett at the helm and the coach’s complete lack of faith in the players travelling with him, and it was an amazing reawakening back in to the green and gold for the fossil utility.
4. South Sydney – The parting of the red and green sea restored
After refusing to merge or play out of Indonesia, Souths decided to knuckle-on solo with the governing body of the game and came out second best. Well, actually it was 15th best in a qualifying top 14, meaning no more soup for them.
However, on a tidal wave of emotion driven by iconic heavy-hitters, pesky road-closing parades and a financial pizzling from the legal sect, Souths clawed their way back for a famous readmission to the league in 2002, allowing them to resume their tradition of regular unholy thrashings on the Sabbath.
3. Allan Langer – Turning water in to XXXX
This one was much like the resurrection of Smith. Some covert Bennettry pitchforking Maroon alumni in to the fiery cauldron for a one-off assignment, except you can ramp up the irritation factor by a thousand if you’re from the true holy land in the south.
At the time, Langer was a million miles away, copping cockney gnome gags in England as New South Welshpeople were finally sleeping soundly at night.
However, insomnia returned when the Maroons coach sprung a cruel ruse by bringing back the diminutive table-dancer for the 2001 Origin decider, where he predictably played a starring role in a horrendous crucifying of the Blues.
2. Canterbury-Bankstown – Crushing the snake in the Garden of Eden
It was the 1998 preliminary final at contact sport’s spiritual home – the Sydney Football Stadium. Long-suffering Parramatta were seemingly coasting with an impregnable 18-2 lead over the Dogs with 11 minutes to go.
Despite this, everyone except the forever-tormented Eels fans and the Bulldogs players continued to believe that a resurrection was possible, and lo and behold they were proven correct.
On the back of some desperate catch-up and a clutch performance on the holy crossbar from Daryl Halligan, the Eels disintegrated like the burning bush as the Doggies revived before their very eyes to snatch the biscuits in an extra-time humdinger.
1. Queensland – No bible pun required. It’s just a freakin’ miracle
Avert your eyes, apostles of the sky blue, for the memory of which you are about to read is something that should be incarcerated for life for the crime of violation by gross repetition.
Unfortunately, the unfathomable occurrences of what conspired that night in 1994 are so disgracefully amazing that they easily pinch the number-one spot for league’s greatest deity-like rally.
We all know the yarn; NSW are breathing easy at 12-4 with five minutes remaining, and while the intelligent realists switch off their telly or make their way for the exits, Queensland score two tries. One comes in the dying embers of junk time, one that was so utterly desperate and insane that it has to be seen to be believed.
And it has, with it being regurgitated more times than re-runs of Happy Days.
Queensland’s contemporary rendition of Stayin’ Alive culminated with Mark Coyne burrowing over for victory in what was a gruesome burial and miraculous resurgence all rolled in to one, and fitting of top spot on Easter Comeback Sunday.
So Roarers, drop that choccy egg and get on the laptop organ. Tell me, what’s your favourite footy flatliner that has revived before your very eyes?
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