The Roar reader who recently described the Sri Lankan bowling attack as ‘ratched’ at first glance made an unfortunate spelling mistake, but actually achieved an inspired invention of a magnificent new word.
Combining ‘wretched’ and ‘rat-shit’, this word perfectly summed up the weekend for a number of participants.
Australia’s innings of 9-376 in Sydney certainly supports the reader’s original premise, and while Sri Lanka’s batting could never be described in the same way as their bowling, this World Cup will not be won by half a team.
Ratched also more than adequately describes the predicament of Blues Super Rugby coach John Kirwan.
Sir John, or JK as he is fondly known, was an outstanding All Black winger, lighting up the 1987 Rugby World Cup with an exhilarating length of the field try against Italy, and toying with Wallabies great David Campese at Concord, two of many standout rugby memories.
Ah yes, Concord as a Test rugby venue, an undoubtedly ‘ratched’ idea in both concept and execution.
Whatever Kirwan’s considerable merits as a bloke and a player, his coaching career, international and provincial, has been studded with mediocrity. It reached yet another low point on Saturday night in Auckland.
Kirwan played for Auckland in the days when crowds would flock from one end of the field to the other at half-time, so that they could stay close to the try scoring action. The only half-time crowd movement this Blues team seems to inspire is from those heading early to the carpark, having endured enough torture already.
It wasn’t Kirwan who was on the field dropping ball after ball, or back-pedalling against an industrious but hardly menacing Lion’s scrum, but this result is by no means an isolated instance. It must surely be time for him to consider whether he is really cut out for this coaching caper or not.
A little like 7’1” Pakistani left-arm quick Mohammad Irfan deciding to become a jockey. Or Glenn McGrath and Andrew Hore applying for a job with the Animal Liberation Society. You’d like to think one of their nearest and dearest might take them aside and have a quiet word, to steer them into a more suitable profession.
Without diminishing the Lions’ stout effort, Kirwan’s Blues were so miserable and so inept, that more serious conversations must be very close to happening.
Saturday night also saw the resurrection of the old-fashioned ‘coathanger’, courtesy of Wests Tigers playmaker Mitchell Moses. Not only did this come out of the blue, it was a surprise to many that, despite Moses’ best efforts, Titan’s fullback William Zillman still managed to finish the match with his head still attached to his shoulders and pointing in the right direction.
Moses’ defence will no doubt rely heavily on supposed lack of malice or intent. He looks like a nice enough young bloke and his advocate will claim that he was hardly Chris Johnson headhunting the Irish in the 2005 International Rules series.
One suspects, however, that unintended reflex action or not, the judiciary will rely more heavily on the actual events and outcome. If so, a lengthy holiday awaits.
Mums watching with their young sons and the do-gooders on social media may fairly be excused from wondering why such a spectacularly dangerous act receives no on-field sanction other than the player being placed on report, while (non-violent) professional hold downs and deliberate offside close to the try line frequently earn the offender ten minutes in the sin bin. That’s an anachronism which makes little sense.
Another tackle which had this writer scratching his head was James Lowe’s late effort against the Highlanders on Friday night, earning him an early finish, and a penalty against which effectively tipped the game to the Highlanders.
Aside from getting his head into a slightly awkward position, it is hard to determine just what Lowe did to warrant a penalty against him, let alone a card. He clearly used his arms, the tackle was low, and Malakai Fekitoa’s dangerous fall was predominantly due to his trying to hurdle Lowe’s tackle.
One never likes to see the outcome of a match determined by a dodgy refereeing decision. Mike Fraser got this call very wrong, and the Chiefs consequently lost the match.
That said, any sympathy for the Chiefs is tempered by the fact that they were largely the authors of their own misfortune, via a sloppy mix of over-confidence and poor goal-kicking. Credit is due too to the plucky Highlanders who, just like the Lions up the road in Auckland, hung in and won a game they had no right to win.
Far from ‘ratched’ were the New Zealand Breakers in collecting their fourth NBL title in five years in Auckland. With the New Zealand versus Afghanistan pool match meandering to a predictable conclusion, those viewers who switched to the basketball were rewarded with a thrilling finish.
After dropping their home final on Friday night, a gutsy Cairns Taipans scrapped all the way in game two, to find themselves level at 81-81 with only 1.9 seconds left on the clock, with New Zealand with possession from the side.
With the Cairns defence zeroing in on New Zealand dangermen Tom Abercrombie and Cedric Jackson, import Ekene Ibekwe stepped into a hole, spun and nailed the winning points as the buzzer sounded, nearly lifting the roof off the North Shore Events Centre.
Coming hot on the heels of last weekend’s World Cup thriller against Australia, haven’t the Auckland sporting public had a real feast lately?
Well, everyone except those poor Blues supporters who were at North Harbour Stadium on Saturday.
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