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March 7, 2011, will always be remembered as the day smutty television was forever changed.
After months of in-house tumult and so-called ‘moral turpitude’, it was announced that Charlie Sheen was to permanently part ways with the hit sitcom Two and a Half Men.
For those that have never watched Channel Nine after sundown, Sheen was the show’s chauvinistic centrepiece and their competitive edge as a motherload of crass filth.
However, his off-camera propensity for hard living eventually rendered him loose and unreliable, so he was punted in favour of a more obedient and bland team player in Ashton Kutcher.
Take away the sexism and contraband, and much the same has taken place at Parramatta in recent weeks.
After four rounds of plummeting ratings, coach Brad Arthur had reached the end of his tether with the skittish behaviour of Chris Sandow and was seemingly prepared to lump for Luke Kelly at halfback for the rest of 2015, after he returned two weeks of predictable and peaceful play totally free of anything unscripted.
So when Arthur was informed this week that tightwad budgeting would prevent him from casting his dutiful Kutcher-style Kelly against the Panthers, he must’ve quivered knowing of the proverbial nude escorts and disarray that awaited him on set with the enforced return of the Sheen-esque Sandow.
However, come showtime at Pepper Stadium last night, it was anything but.
An icy clinical Sandow followed the script and nailed his lines sublimely to produce a man of the match performance, guiding the Eels to a desperately needed 26-20 win over the Panthers and breathing life in to his quest for work in 2016.
Led by his workaday extras in the middle and cheered on persistently in the galleries by Andrew Johns and Brad Fittler, the whimsical playmaker produced a string of tidy kicks and level-headed decisions that were quite out of character, leaving Arthur and Eels fans equal parts chuffed and disoriented.
In an entertaining hit-out choc-a-block with injuries for both sides, Sandow owned the stage and subsequently went to town on the numbers; three tackle busts, one line break assist, one try assist, a neat give from five off the tee and, most importantly, zero second-tackle grubbers.
In a hybrid state of frustrated elation, Eels fans tore out their hair as he produced a performance we all know he is capable of – the precise balance of discipline with a dash of instinct. But another one off-Broadway show does not make a season, and after his 57th turned corner, can we confidently say he’s turned the corner?
With all due respect to Sandow, he has played with off-contract urgency in the last few months and his effort cannot be faulted. But questions linger; is he part of Arthur’s plans going forward? Does he have time to convince him if he isn’t? Or is he just a gap-fill?
Frankly, I’m just confused. But that’s natural when it comes to enigmas. I’m betting that Arthur is the same.
There’s plenty for the coach to mull, but he won’t be the first to tackle the scenario of a flighty magic mojo that randomly flickers.
Sandow’s predicament just reminds us of that age-old rugby league question: do you like your halfback a gambler or an old grey mare? Compliant and team-first or unpredictable verve and potential filth? Flighty magic or clean cut?
Whatever happens, despite his wild ways, I hope Sandow is on-set somewhere next year. After all, he is bloody entertaining overall.