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No, really, I’m fine. Just because I continue discussing the subject as I rock back and forth in the corner crying out for mother, I am totally at ease with last Wednesday’s State of Origin thumping at the hands of Queensland.
No need for the nurse. I promise this will be the last of it I speak. That’s the orders from my shrink, anyway.
As we all know, step one on the path to healing is to down two Panadols with a Woodstock can and then purge, so in light of this it’s time to crack one, bow down and call a spade a spade. Albeit with haemorrhoid-like discomfort.
Deep breath, and go.
This current Queensland side from the last 10 years of my time on the red couch is not potentially the greatest team of all time, it is the greatest time of all time. This is not hyperbole, this is just as factual as fact gets.
If you disagree, I implore you to ask yourself: who the heck would beat them?
Outside of anything employing an open cheque book, barrels of Eastern European PEDs or the fair dinkum human assembly of a Supercoach side, I can’t think of any squad of superhumans who could push them to the line.
In my opinion, they would beat the 11-peat Dragons in the SCG slop, the back-to-back Broncos on a September SFS and the Invincibles, Unbeatables, Unstoppables and Untoppables on a foggy skidpan with 30-centimetre in-goals, and then show off on the way home by rolling the All Blacks and solving the global warming crisis while waiting for a taxi at the airport.
As you can tell, I am convinced. However, there is one flaw in this ballsy call. The sample of evidence only includes the cruel swamping of a singular opposition. And this is the problem.
The Maroons have built their reputation and resplendent record on spanking only one team, albeit they’ve been repeated lashings like those administered to a red-headed step-child.
No prizes for guessing here. A hint: they’re beaten black and Blue.
Even though I’ve invoiced them for my anti-depressants, I want to make it clear I am proud and respectful of my virtuous New South Wales boys. They are the cream of the state, the south’s finest harvest from the last decade and a compilation of talent that is certainly nothing to sneeze at.
Make no bones, I love youse all. Like a brother. Just one that’s been lapped by 50, that’s all.
However, what I’m angling at is that I would love to see this AAA-grade Maroon playing group tested as best they could be in the current era against someone other than the team that is the constant air in their tyres.
They can’t play Australia, they can’t play themselves and they can’t play a club side. So why not play the current New Zealand side as the next-best ultimate test?
Yes, its OK if your mouth is salivating, because this idea is primo.
There is no other obvious option to settle this. The current Four Nations side, the same one who has taken on and humbled an Australian side containing many of the current Maroon crop, would be one great way to test out just how freaking phenomenal this Queensland side really can be.
And why not ramp it up a few notches? Schedule the game in Auckland, making this examination even more difficult.
Better yet, what about Dunedin? After three days of downpour in a sludge-pit? When it’s three degrees? Barefoot and using a deflated ball?
OK, maybe not, but you get what I’m saying. Put this blue-chip group under the heat lamp away from Suncorp. I’m sure this trophy-stacked team would love to test their mettle in such a manner. Can you imagine the bouts?
Cameron Smith versus Issac Luke. Cooper Cronk versus Shaun Johnson. Greg Inglis versus a direct opposite dependent on Billy Slater’s availability.
Don’t stop dreaming. What about Jesse Bromwich versus Matt Scott? And Corey Parker arcing-up for respect from Simon Mannering, and him responding with a ‘gut f***’.
Obviously, player burnout, scheduling, logistics, yada would all conspire to stop this coming to fruition. Because, you know, modern footy.
But what would happen if they met?
Could the Kiwis tap in to the groove they usually find over the length of a tournament? Would Queensland lose their edge against an opposition they don’t detest to their guts? How much money could the NRL make that could be shelled out to the NSWRL?
Personally, as long as it happens, I don’t care about these questions. Except about the last one, of course, because my state needs some kind of wind turbine that can assist with field position issues.
Despite it requiring another occasion involving the unholy spectating of Queensland’s painful quality, I would love to see this ‘test’ take place. Perhaps just slam it in to the end of the year, the pre-season, or even Christmas Day at midnight? I’ll drink for it.
Nobody can doubt it would be a dead-set money-printing league spectacle, plus it would help me deal with my sweats.
As for the outcome? I have no bloody idea.
Lucky this is an opinion site frequented by some of the game’s greatest minds, so let’s discuss.