Who’s responsible for the snubbing of Chadd Sayers? Russian hackers, of course

Dane Eldridge Columnist

By , Dane Eldridge is a Roar Expert

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    Not only did Russian hackers influence the outcome of the US presidential race, they are now ensuring Chadd Sayers never wins Australian Test selection.

    Conspiracy theories were mildly aroused when the South Australian was overlooked as a plum choice for Adelaide, but after being ignored for the synergetic qualities of the Gabba, it is now perfectly clear what’s at play.

    The Kremlin has grown bored of rigging elections, and instead has moved on to the full annihilation of swing bowling in the Antipodes- starting with Sayers as their unsuspecting Democrat.

    Just like the inexplicable result of the US election, how else can the swing ace’s omission be explained?

    When you crunch the numbers, there is no other reason. This is another decision that has shocked the world and it stinks of a Eurasian cyber-attack.

    The failure of something so fittingly appropriate shows the same information warfare wreaked upon the American people has now infiltrated Australian intelligence, and most notably, our selectors.

    Like Hilary Clinton, Sayers has built an insurmountable case for election. He has solidly campaigned for the last two seasons as a predictable backbone who holds the advantage of not being a tangerine-coated sex-pest.

    His inauguration was seemingly only a matter of time, and that time should’ve been now.

    With his bags of wickets across all constituencies, not to mention his recent tip-top touch as a snake-charmer with the pink ball, he was tailor-made for the last two Tests- at the very least.

    But at the crucial moment, there was a defect in reasoning from selectors caused by an unidentifiable glitch in process. As a result, his trade secrets for Adelaide went to waste and the drenched air of Brisbane begging.

    Forget incumbency of others and the need for a spinner. How is Sayers not the one? How can the facts be so misleading?

    Undoubtedly, the judgements of those with the vote have been distorted by faceless influences, ones transmitting through their servers goaded on the whiff of geopolitical dominance and vodka.

    It can’t be Rod Marsh, so all that leaves is Moscow.

    Unfortunately, Sayers is emblematic of our scary new world. He is a scientifically sound, factually proven and entirely suitable option trying to operate in a post-truth universe where all that matters is ‘good wheels’.

    These are times where practicalities and irrefutable data are no match for the intangibles, where ‘feel’, ‘gut’ and ‘Boof’ trump all.

    And it was all kicked off by the Russians. Wow, they have really done it this time.

    Sure, boosting Trump to the leader of the free world was a pretty awful thing to do, but abandoning Sayers in Shield takes the cake.

    Dane Eldridge
    Dane Eldridge

    Dane was named best and fairest in the 2004 Bathurst mixed indoor cricket competition. With nothing in the game left to achieve, he immediately retired at his peak to a reclusive life ensconced in the velvet of organised contests. Catch the man on Twitter @eld2_0.

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