Over the last twenty years, AFL footballers have successfully learnt to develop new skills and to break with numerous, outdated traditions without it affecting their on-field performances.
The modern-day alpha warriors can now all shave their legs, decline to appear on The Footy Show and wear clash jumpers. Not even Hawthorn’s awful ‘Power Rangers’ jumper prevented them from winning multiple flags.
The only thing that will cost Richmond a flag is not being good enough.
Unlike his fellow commentator, Sam Newman – who would be more at home perpetually living in an episode of Kingswood Country – Richmond great Kevin Bartlett generally moves with the times and should do so again now by accepting his former team will wear their clash jumper on Saturday. If he doesn’t, someone should point out that real tigers are actually orange and black anyway.
The Tigers could have played in scuba gear on Saturday afternoon and still dismantled GWS. Some of the young Giants looked overwhelmed early on, so much so that Nick Maxwell might need to start running out toilet paper instead of water.
Even the youthfulness of GWS’ coaching staff has been called into question, though this criticism was immediately rejected by football manager Wayne Campbell, albeit while playing with his fidget spinner.
Richmond was tremendous, but the Crows will beat them by eight goals. Now, before you start unleashing abusive vitriol in the comments section, it truly hurts me to make that prediction as some of my best friends are Richmond fans. I’ve been pitying them for 37 years, have provided a few with free counselling and would dearly love to see them win too.
Even with a dominant Martin, the home ground advantage, a Rioli in their side, a magnificent team intensity and Captain Cotchin correctly cleared to play, I just can’t see them beating Adelaide. The Richmond that we’ve all grown to know and love won’t even get the chance to capitulate, choke or cataclysmically collapse as the Crows are just too good.
(AAP Image/Julian Smith)
A grand final loss might save Dusty some embarrassment anyway, as there’s probably no room left on his body for a premiership tattoo. Speaking of tattoos, Jake King reckons his tattoo parlour will be doing Tiger tattoos for a week straight should Richmond get up.
As a public service announcement, I’d just like to recommend that should the Tiges’ win and you want to get a tattoo, make sure you take someone who can spell along, as I wouldn’t be relying on Jake. Sadly though, it is tissue sales that will be the biggest seller on Swan Street after Saturday.
At some stage next week it is the Crows players who should be getting the club’s first premiership tattoos for twenty years. There was never any chance Geelong would play out of their skins like they did against Sydney the week before. I’m not sure even the acquisition of Gary Ablett and Jesse Stringer will help the Cats as it was their big men who were blown away faster than a fart in a fan factory.
Nowadays, Tom Hawkins looks more cringeworthily awkward in big games than a 48-year-old former Test cricketer does hanging out in a nightclub. Mark Biclavs, Harry Taylor, Daniel Menzel and Rhys Stanley were no better than Hawkins and if, like Sydney, Geelong don’t want to simply be ‘thereabouts’ next year at finals time, they’ll need to take a good, long, hard look at themselves in the mirror.
Then, when they realise the silliness of staring at reflections of themselves, they should trade heavily.
Adelaide’s big men, however, are as good as it gets. Taylor Walker and Sam Jacobs are brilliant. Josh Jenkins is good too, even though his penchant for receiving handballs over the top while sitting in the goal square means his height is completely wasted on him.
With the in-form Crouch brothers and a couple of gun Rory’s, Adelaide should be too strong all over the ground for Richmond.
After this weekend, the Norm Smith Medal might need to be renamed the Tiwi Island Rioli Medal, but sadly, even this doesn’t mean the Tigers will win. If Rioli doesn’t win the Norm Smith Medal then Eddie Betts or Charlie Cameron probably will, so in tune with our indigenous game are Indigenous footballers.
Of course, Martin’s a big chance too, but after collecting his Brownlow on Monday night he’ll have about as much room left for new medals as he does for tattoos.
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We’re taking a look at one player from each team that needs to make a difference this week, starting with the ANZAC Day games.
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