Rugby league is at its best when things are kept simple. This is a rule that applies to many facets of the game, and the subject of fashion is no exception.
Just like it is a good idea to tuck the ball under your arm and run straight ahead when inside your own ten metres rather than try a blind reverse double-flick pass, a simple red V on a jersey is usually better than the technicolour spew that marketing teams try to pass off as jerseys these days.
Occasionally, though, some NRL clubs forget that simplicity is king, and we end up with some perfect examples of what can go wrong when the worlds of designer clothing and gigantic men trying to destroy each other collide.
Here are a few choice examples:
1. Bulldogs Themed Supporter T-Shirts
When Willie Mason returned to play the Dogs for the first time after leaving for the Roosters the club was desperate to cash in on the hype. Their answer was to create a supporter’s t-shirt emblazoned with the words “Bred Not Bought”.
They lost the game 40-12, then spent the next five years buying every available player on the market.
Not to be perturbed, the Dogs brought back the idea this year, creating a “Be Manly; Be a Bulldog” T-shirt for the club’s game against the Sea Eagles.
End result: 12-10 to Manly, a grumpy Des Hasler and some changing room doors with a severely shortened life expectancy.
Fortunately for the Dogs, this weekend was a case of third time lucky. Their “Friends don’t let friends be Eels fans” shirts failed to ignite the Parramatta boys, as the Dogs racked up points only slightly faster than Stephen Kearney is losing friends.
2. Themed Round Jerseys
Ever wanted to see Petero Civoniceva dressed from head to toe in fluro pink? It’s the coolest thing since players stopped wearing boot polish under their eyes!
What about George Rose wearing a faux-camouflage outfit that looks like something Nate Myles would leave on a hotel floor?
What, not quite your style? Pffft, lay off the Lowes commercials. How about thirteen blokes running around like lunatics in Aboriginal dot-paintings, then? Trust me. You’ll be loving it by half-time.
Either that, or you will have collapsed into an epileptic fit.
3. Movie Jerseys
A few years back, Souths emblazoned their jersey with the logo from the upcoming Russell Crowe film “The Cinderella Man”, presumably because Rusty said he would keep showing up to karaoke night at Souths leagues club if they didn’t.
Not to be outdone, the Dogs then decided to change their jersey for a match into a billboard for Avatar. Once the popularity of giant blue cat-people hugging trees had worn off, they then added some lightsabers to the guernsey to advertise Star Wars coming out on Blu-Ray.
What a memorable last game for captain Andrew Ryan that must have been!
Keeping the tradition alive, the Melbourne Storm ran out on Saturday night in special kits celebrating the release of The Dark Knight Rises.
Disappointingly, there were no “POW” and “THWACK” graphics, no Batmobile and Cam Smith missed the opportunity to yell “Holy questionable decision ref!”
Even more disappointingly there was not a can of shark repellant to be seen.
Fortunately, even for Storm fans who witnessed their team lose a third-straight match, the game was a thousand times better than Batman and Robin.
4. Turning the Jersey Into a Chocolate Wrapper
Unthinkable as it may be, there was actually a period in history when the Parramatta Eels were even more embarrassing then they are now.
That was the game when they decided to turn their jersey into a giant advertisement for M&Ms.
So every time Justin Poore bludges six metres on a hit-up, or Chris Sandow misses his seventeenth attempted shoulder-charge of the game, or Ben Roberts wonders which colour power-band would go best with his boots, Parra fans can still live safe in the knowledge that at least Stephen Kearney hasn’t turned them into glorified chocolate packaging.
Yet.
So Roarers, what are some of your favourite rugby league fashion faux pas? And keep in mind, making fun of Super League jerseys is just too easy.
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