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After a lengthy footy off-season it was a welcome respite last week. It was good to see the big men finally doing their thing out on the field.
If you made it to a ground to watch a game that is.
If like most of us though you were stuck at home with a hyperactive three-month-old child and a quickly cooling pizza you would have had to make do with an insipid television broadcast.
After a summer sabbatical watching enough American sport to qualify for a Green Card, tuning back into the domestic product is a bit like when you hop out of your new(ish) car with its air con and nice stereo and jump onto the creaking, sagging, stuffy old train into the city.
Sure it’s not torturous, but you can’t help thinking it could be better.
I’d think the majority of sports lovers would agree with me here. Hell, it seems everyone agrees apart those in bed with the industry.
Post Super Bowl Channel Nine gossip columnist Danny Weidler made a remark after watching world sport’s biggest spectacle to the effect of “after listening to the American commentators we should be eternally grateful for Rabs and Gus.”
After sharing his thoughts under the presumption it was a mock Twitter account, I felt somewhat deflated when it turned out he was serious.
What else is there to say but “Turn it up, Danny”.
Fair dinkum, thanks to a power outage the Super Bowl had an unscripted half hour break which the commentary and broadcast team had to struggle through.
Can you imagine if that happened during the Ch9 broadcast NRL grand final? They’d probably chuck on an episode of “The Big Block Theory” or “Two and a Half Highway Patrols” and skip the trophy presentation. Again.
Maybe Danny was disappointed the US commentators didn’t enthral viewers with stories about trips to Royal Randwick, or jokes about each others golf game, but I’d suggest the ability of American commentators to primarily discuss the game at hand is one of their strengths.
What’s happened to Rabs anyway? Listen to a mid-90s call and his voice is throbbing with emotion as he bellows out “JUNEE! JUNEE!”
Now though? Nothing. And with the dunderheads in charge turfing his heir apparent Andrew Voss (a bloke who actually likes the game) for far right Raaaaaaaay it’s not going to get any better.
Sadly the NRL’s not alone here, with many other sports being given wind in the Willows commentary treatment or having their head callers turning into a parody of themselves.
It’s more than just the commentary though, it’s the whole package.
How about a decent lead in for regular season matches? What about some interviews with players before the match? What about some new camera angles? A post game panel show? Something, anything?
If the powers that be are struggling for ideas I’d suggest seven simple steps to a great sports broadcast, as copied from US sport.
1. Montages do not equal documentaries.
2. Ex footballers don’t make great interviewers, especially those with speech issues
3. Spruiking other programs mid-call is sports version of herpes
4. If I wanted to gamble I’d be at the casino tables
5. Less is more when it comes to zooming in on fat blokes with their face painted in the stands.
6. Moaning about officials decisions should be capped at 30sec
7. Ticker me the key stats, please!
The season proper kicks off in less than a month. Players have been in the gym striving for perfection to get the edge over their competition and achieve results, something the fans really respect.
Will we be able to say the same of our broadcasters this footy season?
I’m hoping that just this once the answer isn’t Gus Gould’s hilarious catchphrase.
Follow Chris on Twitter @Vic_Arious
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