It has been revealed that Roosters star recruit Sonny-Bill Williams’s pectoral muscle will be rested for the NRL’s much-anticipated Thursday night blockbuster against the Rabbitohs.
Speaking from its home inside Williams’s shirt, the fast-twitch soft-tissue told us it was “99% right”.
This was literally true, being located on the right side of Williams’s chest.
“I’m still feeling a little bit sore after getting torn in an intense match of Japanese Rugby last year and then getting surgery to fix me.” it told us.
Williams and all his muscles recently won a controversial boxing match against South Africa’s Francois Botha. His pectoral was involved in many punches on the night but admitted to pulling up a bit stiff in the days following the bout
“Bashing that old fella was ok but surviving 35 minutes of NRL action is another story. That Sam Burgess is one scary hombre.” it said.
The fibrous, skeletal muscle said it was happy to sit the match out and come back stronger and sexier than ever in the following weeks.
It has been estimated that Williams, his muscles, skeleton, organs and hair will increase the average crowd at Roosters matches by 6000 people, netting clubs millions of dollars over the course of the season.
Roosters club officials have been forced to revise this figure down by 463 people for the season opener, citing the absence of the star player’s pectoral.
The muscle’s agent, Khoder Nasser, could not be contacted for comment because it forgot his number. “I have pretty poor muscle memory”, it quipped.
It can be revealed that Williams’s left shoulder was also close to pulling out of the match but passed a fitness test on Monday.
“I was relieved that the shoulder will be there beside me” Williams said, “even though with the change to the shoulder charge rule I probably don’t need it anymore.”
Williams, his shoulder and his pectoral have all featured heavily in Channel 9’s NRL marketing campaign
A station spokesman told us that while it was disappointing the pectoral would not be playing in the season opener, it was ok because players wear jerseys anyway.
“OMG! NRL fans in Sydney will have to wait a week to see both of SBW’s pecs in action. OMG!”, he said.
As an aside he added “Brisbane NRL fans will have to wait a week anyway until we finish our run of Big Bang Theory repeats, the Blocks’s still running and we have a new test pattern we’d like to try out as well.
“Then and only then will we bother showing the NRL to Brisbane viewers.” he added.
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