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In a stunning piece of psychological skulduggery the English rugby league side put into motion a brazen and nefarious plot to undermine the Australians before their opening clash at the Millennium Stadium later this week.
And what is this dastardly deed you ask?
Sabotaging the Kangaroos training facilities? Using a grossly oversized tournament football? Naming a centre who could actually outrun the Duchess of York?
No, it is instead the host nation’s dismal 15-14 loss to World Cup newbies Italy in a warm-up clash in Salford on the weekend.
For what on the outside may look like the most embarrassing English performance since Eddie the Eagle, is actually a Red Hall herring that could propel Steve McNamara’s men to glory.
Let’s have a closer look at the facts shall we.
Traditionally Australian sides in the northern hemisphere have been most susceptible in their first match on tour.
Despite this fact coach Tim Sheens has chosen to forgo a warm up match, in favour of some opposed training sessions and trying to get Paul Gallen to share his Tiny Teddies with Nate Myles.
We have been told that the side will not be taking England lightly in their first up match.
To be fair though we were also told the players would be on a short leash and be getting down to business immediately, only for Josh Papalii to be mugged in the wee hours after a Tuesday nightclubbing session.
Which, considering how scary Papalii looks at three o’clock in the afternoon let alone three in the morning, probably indicates that something quite serious has gone awry in the planning stages of the Australian campaign.
For a long time now Australia would have been planning to bring crashing back down to earth an English side busy clearing their calendars for knighthoods ceremonies after thumping the Italians, but now?
They’re sitting around in their hotel rooms reading about how England may have to play the Ashes against Parramatta, or at least put Mal Reilly in the side, and subconsciously the Australian players begin to relax a little bit.
Hell, maybe they’re even -gasp- feeling a bit sorry for the poor old Poms.
Come the end of the week though and the four thousand at Salford are replaced by 50k in Cardiff and its half-time before the Kangaroos realised they’ve been hustled. Bait-switch, and the Kangaroos are on a semi-final collision course with the slow burning Kiwis.
The sting is on I tell you, and unless Sheensy wakes up and smells the mini sachet of Instant Roast we could be in all sorts.
Also, on another note it was interesting to see that in the match prior to England versus Italy, the England Knights team put the cleaners through a Samoan side containing a host of NRL talent 52-16.
While I don’t want to be a suspicious Aloysius, the bloke wearing Sam Burgess’ jersey versus the Italians weighed about 70kg and had red hair, while the Samoans were terrorised by a massive bloke who kept waving to a blonde lady in the crowd sitting next to Russell Crowe.
In short the English are proving themselves to be strategic geniuses of the Cup and will need to be watched at every turn.
I think…
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