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RLWC 2013: England come up empty and nought in opener

RLWC 2013 kicked off with Australia beating England (Image via RLWC TV)
Expert
27th October, 2013
32
1866 Reads

Contrary to the fears of many, the spine of the English rugby league side was able to match it with their more fancied Australian counterparts in the World Cup opener at Millennium Stadium on the weekend.

Unfortunately for the joint hosts, however, their much-vaunted forward pack turned in a right old embarrassing performance.

Not embarrassing in the regular areas of hit-ups, tackles and metres gained mind you.

But man oh man, has a major rugby league tournament ever included a bigger bunch of ball-dropping, brain-dead bellends than the 2013 England engine room?

I understand it’s not unusual for a footy team to have the odd ‘Empty’ or ‘Nought’ up front, after all a Rhodes Scholarship isn’t necessarily a requirement for being huge and running over the top of people.

But the English players the other night managed to make a number of decisions that Luke O’Donnell in his elbow/spear-tackle combo prime would describe as “a little silly”.

Which, considering coach Steve Mcnamara had sidelined nutters James Graham and Gareth Hock for being a bit loose on the juice, is quite astounding.

Having sat through the game again yesterday, I am convinced Ben Westwood’s half-time routine must have consisted of washing a box of angry pills down with a pint of Red Bull, then squeezing a tube of Deep Heat into his underpants.

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I am loathe to pin a loss on a single player, but when you’re six points behind, 20 min to go and two metres out and you can’t play the ball because you’re too busy trying to niggle the marker for the 20th time, fingers need to be pointed.

Follow this up with a piggyback penalty, then more mindless push-and-shove to agitate a clearly frazzled referee Henry Perenara and you’ve got an export quality scapegoat.

Luckily for Big Benny, NRL star Sam Burgess then chipped in with a lazy coat hanger on Sam Thaiday that probably won’t make the cut for Burgo’s next pectoral laden DVD.

Even the unassuming Englishman Carl Ablett got in on the act, proving, despite the Sterlo hairdo, he was definitely no relation to any AFL player by running 30 metres sideways to shoulder an Australian player out of contention of a bomb, which then resulted in a penalty goal to put the match beyond reach.

Now I know international rugby league, on a whole, is a little bit angrier than your club stuff.

And, as a nation, the English have a proud history of out-angrying other sides via some well ‘ard lads in the pack.

I appreciate this and, if nothing else, it has provided fans with many famous, often hilarious, rugby league moments of lunacy.

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But to see the solid efforts of most of the English team go down the gurgler because their forwards lost the plot was a bit of a downer.

England had a prime opportunity to defeat Australia after going ten-nil up on the weekend, and if by chance they find themselves in the same position later on in the tournament they’ll need to be prepared to turn the screws.

Something they will continue to find difficult when they’re carrying a bunch of players with a few screws loose upstairs.

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