News that number two pick Christian Pettracca has ruptured his ACL is just another sad tale for the AFL’s oldest club.
The last nine years have seemingly gone from bad to worse for Melbourne. The last time the Demons won the premiership was 1964.
We were still using pounds, shillings and pence. Beatlemania rang out as the Fab Four toured the country – and Larry Emdur was born.
But rather than focus on the doom and gloom, let’s look at what Melbourne can be proud of and what they have up on the rest of the AFL.
Adelaide
Melbourne have openly courted future free agent Patrick Dangerfield and have offered big bucks. Sources close to Dangerfield have said there is a one-in-a-million chance he will play for Melbourne, the Dees are thrilled their still in the game.
Your move, Crows.
Brisbane
The Lions were able to offload former number one draft pick and serial underachiever Travis Johnson for pick 14, where they picked serial underachiever Jack Grimes.
Carlton
Traded ball-magnet Brock McLean to Carlton in exchange for pick number 11 bench magnet Jordan Gysberts.
Collingwood
Traditional rivals, the Dees have been able to grab 50 per cent of the huge attendance takings of each year’s Queens Birthday blockbuster while contributing 5 per cent of the attendance.
Essendon
Former Dees Coach Mark Neeld has joined the Bombers coaching staff, Melbourne are hoping Neeld can bring similar results to Essendon.
Fremantle
The Dockers took unrestricted free agent Colin Sylvia off the Dees hands and showed for once it wasn’t a case of Melbourne not being able to develop prodigious talent, but a case of Melbourne not being able to trade out wasted talent.
Geelong
While the Cats have recruited multiple Demons – Jarrod Rivers, Mitch Clark and Sam Blease – Melbourne need only one name Clint Bizzall. Checkmate Geelong.
Gold Coast
The Dees trump the Suns with team colours and mascot, Gold Coast look like the offspring of a Shell servo and McDonald’s.
GWS
A few years ago Tom Scully turned his back on the Demons and moved to the Giants for an estimated million dollars per season. There, he has been invaluable to Leon Cameron in setting up the witches hats before training.
Hawthorn
Back in 1996 Melbourne members voted to merge with the Hawks who were bankrupt. Luckily for the Dees, Hawthorn members voted against it. The rest as they say is history. At least they don’t have to wear brown and gold.
North Melbourne
Hard to find positives here, at least the Dees’ coach doesn’t have a doppelganger coaching the Cats. No one can replicate the Paul Roos look of 80s college guy.
Port Adelaide
The Dees haven’t resorted to using coloured tarps to cover the fact that there is a lot of empty seats while they are struggling. Instead, they are using Jack Watt’s inability to play football as a distraction for the supporters from the scoreboard.
Richmond
The Tigers fortunes are turning. They are playing finals, have huge membership and emerging stars are lighting up the G.
Melbourne don’t have any of that but possess a man who men want to be like and women want to be with, Lyndon Dunn. Dunn has serial killer looks coupled with an Adam Fiora like on-field presence.
St Kilda
Unlike the Saints, the Dees have been able to steer clear of off-field controversies over the last few years. Although the way Melbourne have been travelling they could have slaughtered a pod of baby Dolphins and the media wouldn’t run with it.
Sydney
Although Dees supporters cop the stereotype of yuppies in Range Rovers travelling to ski holidays in the winter, at least they can’t be accused of being surprised that “the tall lad wearing number 23 isn’t too bad, where did we get him from?”
Granted, apart from Jeremy Howe, Melbourne have had less highlights than a Clive Palmer solo sex tape.
West Coast
The Dees managed to recruit Western Australian Allen Jakovich and while he may not have had quite the career as his brother Glen, the 47 games he played for the Dees were packed with excitement and plenty of goals.
Jakovich equalled the great John Coleman in kicking 100 goals in his first 21 games. It was a great effort from a man who looked like a staffy with a mullet.
Western Bulldogs
The Dogs have been accused of a whisper campaign in the offseason that led to the demise of last year’s coach Brendan McCartney. The Dees wouldn’t stoop that low and have let their football do the talking to end several coaches’ careers.
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