Richmond’s board challengers, Focus on Footy, have unveiled a radical new proposal to put the beleaguered Tigers back in the big time: ignore the last 35 years.
The radical departure from the time-space continuum will see the Tigers launch an all-in bid for the 1987 premiership.
A representative of the group explained, “It is pretty simple really. While 17 clubs set themselves for the 2017 premiership, we will have a clear run at the 1986 flag.
“Our clear failing is trying to go head-to-head with 17 better run clubs than ourselves.
“Can you imagine what a club like ours – with 70,000 members, a salary cap of $10 million, and modern facilities – could do competing in the late ’80s?”
1980 premiership heroes Bryan Wood and Bruce Monteath are thought to be enthusiastic about the plan, which allows them to use their ’80s football knowledge.
Neil Balme would no longer be a 65-year-old veteran administrator with no interest in actually joining the club. Rather, he would be a sprightly, innovative and exciting Norwood coach coming off the back of SANFL flags in 1982 and 1984.
Coaching candidate Kevin Sheedy would be the fresh-faced radical set to excite the ’80s and ’90s. His proposed assistant, Mick Malthouse, would have his whole illustrious career ahead of him.
“If we could appoint Balme, Sheedy and Malthouse now, we get in on the ground floor of their careers,” the unnamed rep said.
“We get them before they go on to greatness. We know they are destined for success and we will be able to use that in becoming the dominant team of the ’90s.”
The plan has been enthusiastically received by Noel Judkins, who will take over recruiting, saying, “Since I retired from the AFL in 2013 I have dreamt of using the resources of a 2017 AFL side to recruit for the 1986 premiership.
“Knowing what we know now we are far less likely to select Aaron Fiora before Mathew Pavlich. It will give us a huge advantage going forward.”
Enthusiastic media personality Kevin Barlett is wholeheartedly behind the plan for a return to 1986, saying, “I never left.”
Cheersquad president, and occasional journalist Caroline Wilson sounded a single note of caution: “I don’t want to see our attempts to reimagine the laws of physics and common sense have a negative impact on women.”
When asked why they had targeted 1986 and not another already-decided flag, the challengers were quite clear.
“We wanted to return to a period before the expansion teams, before the draft and salary cap, before zones had been abolished. We have shown no ability to operate in a modern, national, professional sporting code, it is time we acknowledged that.
“This challenge is all about making crystal clear to the football public that Richmond are a force to be reckoned with in 1987.”
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