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Last night while I sat down in my armchair with a bottle of my finest ‘Glen’, I thought to myself, my word those Wallabies should be arriving in Dublin by now.
As I downed my fourth or fifth glass I thought to myself, I do hope those Wallabies don’t think for a minute that drinking any alcohol midweek should be at all tolerated.
For Dublin is a crazy place where if you are not careful you could be sucked into the cesspool of high spirited locals that genuinely love a good yarn, a Guinness or two and the proverbial craic without ever really going too far.
Yes Dublin is the most outrageous, dangerous, and perverted place in the world and you’d be crazy to want to get out and about among those dregs of society.
I hope Mr Cheika tucks each and everyone of those boys in to bed this week, reads them a good night story (that scares them to sleep like Ewen Mckenzie’s autobiography: ‘I came I saw, I contacted the Media’) and locks them in their rooms by no later than 8:30pm.
I suppose if they’ve been good little Wallabies we could let them stay up until 9pm. We don’t wish to appear too patronisingly strict. After all they are grown men.
I got to thinking and if you remember back to 2013, some of the Wallabies stayed out after midnight the night before a day off midweek.
I recall that when I learned of this, from the outrageous stories circulating in the newspapers that morning with headlines such as ‘Young Aussies Go Out For a Night Out and Have a Good Time Causing No Real Dramas’, I remember thinking at the time it was obvious Ewen McKenzie needed to wield the biggest stick of all.
And he did.
He had no other choice but to contact the media and sell them all down the river.
You may say that going out after a late European dinner, and shooting a bit of pool with your mates and having a few drinks bonds players together. You may argue that this in turn allows them to play in a more united way for the benefits of all.
But the truth is nothing binds a group of professional athletes together more than creating a culture of rewarding players that dob on other players, before airing your dirty laundry out the window for all to see.
Well played Mckenzie. He earned their respect that day because consuming a bit of alcohol with your mates, a few days before a match while on a long tour after a long season, causes you to play very badly.
We only beat Ireland by 17 points that weekend after all.
I’m not sure whatever happened to Ewen McKenzie in the next 12 months but I’m sure he accounted for himself very well.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.