Parents, enrol your kids in AFL.
AFL is lovely. A wonderful game, played by even nicer people. Not like the nasty and malignant NRL.
The commencement of the NRL season last week bought to an end one of its longest and most damaging off-seasons. And that’s really saying something.
That is why I am imploring parents to enrol their kids in AFL. Especially NRL parents. Break the cycle!
Come to the AFL where we have players like the angelic Isaac Heeney of the Sydney Swans.
Isaac is a good country boy. Cute, well-mannered, humble – the type you’d want your daughter to marry. Isaac has a kind face that doesn’t sport a single tattoo and a gorgeous full head of blonde hair.
We’ve also got fantastic role models like Fremantle’s Nat Fyfe. Nat is not only a Brownlow Medallist, but he’s also an intellect, deep-thinker and humble introvert.
(AAP Image/Julian Smith)
Again, another gorgeous full head of hair, this time in the form of cascading brown locks that are sometimes tied up in a luscious, non-threatening man bun.
Fyfe would no doubt be bullied relentlessly if he played NRL.
If you’re still not convinced, have a look at what one of the AFL’s greatest ever players – Gary Ablett Jr – has been up to in his off-season. Don’t worry, the image below wasn’t downloaded from a players WhatsApp group.
Yep! While half the NRL has been listening to the judge’s verdict, the Little Master has been listening to Christian pop rock!
The only Big Papi he’s concerned with is the man upstairs, and the only hint of mischief in this scenario comes from a passionate Carlton supporter who left this comment on the post: “You’ll be praying for God when you line up on Cripps this year”.
This harmless piece of banter is a wonderful example of the type of good clean fun we like to have in the AFL.
The NRL does have some good boys, Kalyn Ponga being one of the few. But that’s only because he is an AFL boy at heart.
Ponga was part of the Brisbane Lions’ development program when he was 15 and, at the end of 2016, he was close to walking out on the NRL and signing a four-year deal with the club.
I have been taking a leaf out of Gazza’s book, praying nightly that Ponga may return safely to the light.
The AFL only had two minor incidents this off-season.
Firstly, Jack Watts was seen sniffing a powdery substance off a woman’s upper chest region.
As it turned out though, the substance was in fact not an illicit drug, just peppermint.
His only crime here was trying to clear his sinuses.
The second occurred very recently. A video featuring Fremantle’s Jesse Hogan surfaced earlier this week, however, it merely shows the Dockers’ newest recruit dancing at a party.
Admittedly, his pants are down around his feet, but this is most likely just due to the pants not fitting anymore. After all, it’s common for a player to shed a few kilos in preparation for the new season.
As for Ben Cousins? No code could have saved that guy.
Benny aside then, there is hardly anything to worry about compared to the NRL’s off-season of unsavoury exploits.
So please, parents, do the right thing. Enrol your kids in AFL.
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