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After two days of nauseating self congratulation over the lukewarm success of Bazball, it was hard to imagine England’s cricket team and fans could sink any further into the depths of delusion. Welcome to the microphone, Paul Collingwood.
There’s an almost cultish fervour in the Pommy ranks about the concept of Bazball – the chaos theory approach that has, in this series so far, led to Ben Stokes making an interesting declaration call, and attempting to rattle Steve Smith by giving the ball to a part-time seamer, but little else.
After a day two of the series where the English media claimed Australia had been “emasculated” and the fans taunted the tourists as boring, assistant coach Collingwood went to the pulpit of the post-match press conference to claim England as the likely saviour of Test cricket.
The former England player – famously roasted by Shane Warne after the thrilling 2005 series (“you got an MBE, right? For scoring seven at The Oval? That’s embarrassing”) – suggested Test cricket might not survive without the entertainment Bazball is bringing to the game.
“We have said right from the start we are trying to make Test cricket a lot more entertaining,” said Collingwood, a former T20 World Cup winning captain.
“If we don’t do that, then Test cricket might not survive. Our vision as a Test team is far greater than results.”
Test cricket is, as it happens, 146 years old. Brendon McCullum, the Kiwi guru to whom all of England’s cricket flock currently genuflect, is 13 months into his job.
Brendon McCullum, Head Coach of England. (Photo by Alex Davidson/Getty Images)
Sure, Baz’s take on five-day cricket has a few twists – but the saviour of Test cricket?
Maybe we should ask fans of New Zealand and Sri Lanka, who witnessed one of the greatest ever games a mere three months ago, when the Kiwis stole a victory off the final ball, if Test cricket needs saving by this England team.
Or those of us who spent decades in the thrall of the greatest format of the sport. There has never been anything wrong with experimenting in Test cricket – except perhaps for DK Lillee and his aluminum bat. Or Bodyline.
It’s a format with a rich and beautiful history and drama through almost one and half centuries. It evolves and endures – so spare us the hyperbole, Paul.
Yet still he blustered on.
“Australia can go about it how they want to go about it, but we’ll stick to our plans and we’re happy with how we did it over the first two days.
“We have pretty aggressive fields, we try not to allow them to rotate the strike and try to put them under pressure in that way and find different ways to take wickets.
“We try and focus on what we do, how we go about the game.”
The Australian response to Bazball – let’s call it PatPlay – took the English by surprise.
Australia’s skipper Pat Cummins set defensive fields from the start – a ploy which England have taken as a moral victory that they seen so certain will lead to an actual one.
“I didn’t expect it,” Collingwood said.
“But the aggression we’ve shown, the amount of boundaries we have scored, and the run-rates we keep achieving, we keep pushing the boundaries.
“Oppositions are trying to find ways to stem the flow, and that was Australia’s choice on the first day.
“Once you start worrying about how the opposition are thinking you take that away from your own game.
“We continue to keep pushing the boundaries, keep seeing how far we can go.
“We don’t have a ceiling, so we keep encouraging the guys to keep pushing the boundaries and making it entertaining.
“Some of the stuff we saw yesterday was truly special. I am sure the guys will keep playing some ridiculous stuff.”
The “ridiculous stuff” isn’t confined to the field – it’s sprouting from the mouths of people who should know better.
But at least an MBE for seven runs has a challenger for the most embarrassing moment in Paul Collingwood’s career.