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Has there ever been a more ill-fated friendly than England’s decision to play the Socceroos at Upton Park in February 2003?
Australia might have been the biggest fish in the tiny pond that was Oceania, but having constantly failed in their qualification efforts since 1974, Soccer Australia no doubt couldn’t believe their luck when the English asked the Socceroos to play a friendly at the old Boleyn Ground two days before Valentine’s.
It was the opportunity Australian football fans had long been craving. And didn’t the Socceroos make the most of it?
“It was far away from a friendly match,” England’s suitably bemused Swedish-born coach Sven-Goran Eriksson admitted a couple of years later.
“They desperately wanted to beat us… and they did,” he lamented.
With the Football Association having neglected to inform Eriksson of the depth of animosity between the two nations, the English walked straight into a trap.
And they were punished by a Socceroos side that was, on paper, one of the best in recent history.
It’s sometimes forgotten by Australian football fans just how formative the experience of losing to Uruguay in 2001 was.
Paul Okon was the Socceroos skipper for that playoff, and he captained his country against England at Upton Park as well.
He wasn’t the captain for much longer – playing just two more games for the Socceroos – as a golden generation shorn of both Okon and the equally enigmatic Ned Zelic ultimately went on to qualify for Germany in 2006.
But first came that glorious friendly. And a quick look at the team sheet does much to explain why the English found Australia so difficult to handle.
Schwarzer; Neill, Moore, Popovic, Lazaridis; Emerton, Okon, Skoko, Chipperfield; Viduka, Kewell.
Not a bad starting eleven. And Tony Vidmar, Muscat, Bresciano, Grella, Sterjovski and John Aloisi came off the bench, as both nations made wholesale changes.
And it was Leeds United star Harry Kewell who inflicted most of the damage.
It’s not like the English should have been unfamiliar with the Australian players.
Of the Socceroos goal scorers that day – Kewell, Tony Popovic and Brett Emerton – all three either played in England or were on the verge of joining an English club at the time.
And when Popovic opened the scoring with a towering header from Stan Lazaridis’ swirling free-kick, it was clear there was only ever going to be one winner.
That’s because Kewell – who was on the verge of a big-money move to Liverpool – simply ripped the English defence to shreds.
He mugged former Leeds team-mate Rio Ferdinand to slalom through on goal shortly before half-time, before coolly rounding David James to slot home into an empty net.
It was, without a doubt, one of the most aesthetically pleasing Socceroos goals ever scored. Even if a sheepish Ferdinand reckoned he had been fouled.
The second half was notable for Eriksson changing his entire eleven – a smokescreen, if ever there was one, for the fact his team was about to lose in humiliating fashion.
There was at least some Australian interest in the English goal as a fresh-faced Francis Jeffers – yes, he of the late-career Newcastle Jets fame – started and ended his England career with a goal from his only appearance.
But although the game would become better known for a 17-year-old Wayne Rooney making his debut, there was no way back for the hosts.
Brett Emerton scored Australia’s third and England’s humbling was complete.
And football fans back home in Australia watched the whole thing on the ABC, complete with commentary from Englishman Gary Bloom – who these days is a specialist psychotherapist, I’ll thank you to know – in the middle of the night.
It wouldn’t have been a quintessentially Australian football experience without getting up before the crack of dawn to watch the memorable match on TV.
There was even a DVD released to mark the occasion!
And why wouldn’t there have been? It was one of the best moments in Socceroos history.
England 1 – Australia 3. A scoreline we’ll never forget.
As we count down the greatest moments in Socceroos history, we want you to tell us what your favourites are. Have your say in the picker below!
Check out the rest of the countdown:
10. Australia’s performances – and Tim Cahill’s goal – in 2014
9. When we almost qualified for USA 94
8. Charlie Yankos’ stunning free-kick against Argentina
7. Beating France and Brazil in 2001
6. England 3, Australia 1: Beating the Poms in their own backyard
5. Knocking Croatia out of Germany in the craziest game in Australian history
4. Australia’s historic 3-1 win over Japan in Kaiserslautern
3. Making our debut on the world stage in 1974
2. Winning the Asian Cup in Australia
1. John Aloisi’s penalty
The Australian men’s football team is sure to produce some more memorable moments in Russia this year. Catch all the action in the best way possible by coming together with your friends and family and watching it on an epic big screen Samsung QLED TV. Explore the big-screen range.
Haven’t seen your friends lately? Send them a personal message from Tim Cahill with TIMVITE and get ready to watch the big games.