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I’m still confused. Qatar was given the 2022 World Cup and FIFA is declared by fans as an evil, corrupt, organisation interested in nothing but money, which they presumably shall use to build a fully functional Death Star.
So, by that logic, if Australia was awarded the World Cup, would FIFA still a sinister order led by a Sith Lord or a bunch of dinky die, true blue, ridgy didge, dead set, fair dinkum, little bloody wonders who made the only choice they possibly could?
The main theme over the last few weeks has been outrage. Why didn’t they pick us? We’re awesome! Why didn’t they pick us? We have a Harbour Bridge!
My favourite article of outrage came from a newspaper that used provocative quotes from an Islamic message board to suggest that when Sepp Blatter revealed the contents of his envelope, not only was it a win for Qatar but for the terrorists as well.
They even quoted one Abu Khubeib al-Khorasani – yes, that Abu Khubeib al-Khorasani who claimed on a message board that in 2022 not only would Cristiano Ronaldo be kidnapped, but Al-Qaeda would win the title.
I’ll admit, I gave that quote a standing ovation. It is very rare that you read a sentence that contains such incredible misinformation whilst, at the same time, find a newspaper with the courage to print it.
As frightened as I am for the future 37-year-old Ronaldo, the second half of the sentence was the most consuming.
I’ve never been a fan of their work, but if Al-Qaeda is able to put together a team that takes the Cup in 2022, my hat is officially doffed.
I suppose they already have the training camps and, from their videos, they do look pretty handy on the monkey bars but I’m absolutely amazed at how little press Qatar’s admission that they would allow terrorist organisations to compete in their 2022 World Cup garnered.
Sure, it’s fun to watch Brazil versus Argentina but imagine tuning in to see Al-Qaeda v Hamas then being able to follow that up with traditional rivals, IRA v Real IRA.
Sarcasm aside, it’s probably worth having a look at our final presentation. There’s a cheeky one hundred dollar note in it for you if you can watch the entire thing and not cringe.
I haven’t thought of her for 17 years but where oh where was Tanya Blencowe when we needed her? Instead we got Elle MacPherson.
I’ll sum up what she said: “Um, yeah, hi, Australia, wow, um, hi, yeah, the World Cup, Frank Lowy, hi, yeah!”
Elle MacPherson played a huge part, let me repeat, a huge part, in my formative years and for the first time in my life, I couldn’t stand to look at her.
Then we had the video; the one with the kangaroo that stole the trophy and was chased by Mad Max, who was played by Hoges because the real Mad Max was unavailable due to, I’ll put this kindly, PR issues.
Although, considering his history and Qatar’s stance on Israel, I think I know which bid he was supporting.
And why did they pick Qatar?
I’ll leave the final word to my friend who has been living there for the last two years. I emailed him and simply asked: Can Qatar do it? His reply: “Easy. These guys never would have bid unless they planned to deliver it perfectly. They are very selective about what they get involved in and settle for nothing but the gold standard.
“Just watching the venues, transport and facilities materialise shall be amazing. They can commission major infrastructure unlike anyone else in the world. Basically, Qatar will blow the socks off it.”
Although I’m sure what he meant to say was: “We was robbed!”
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