Using some memorable quotes from ‘Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy’, it’s time to dish out some awards for the 2013 Super Rugby season.
Anchorman is peak Will Ferrell. Every comedic actor has certain ticks and types they are loved for but can be repetitive over time. But, given the right creative input and material, there is always a peak movie or two that will stand out from the pack.
For Will Ferrell, the combination of being able to play a stuck-up, prideful character, an excellent script and a world-class comedic cast all added up to one of the better comedies of the 2000s.
Seriously, look at the credits on Anchorman – you don’t just get big performances from the like of Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate and Steve Carrell.
Vince Vaughn is there for three minutes and Ben Stiller turns up for a single, Westside Story-style fight.
You even get Fred Armisen as a restauranter and Seth Rogan as an ‘eager cameraman’!
Likewise, this year’s Super Rugby season, with the extra benefit of the Lions’ Tour, has been one of the best in a long time in terms of quality and the abundance of story packed in.
It should be remembered.
So, strap in, print this off to read on the toilet, do what you have to do.
Without further ado, here are the 2013 Super Rugby Anchorman Awards:
I’ve got no heart. A she-devil stole it. And you know what the worst part is? She’s better than me!
Let’s start with the ending shall we? I think it’s safe to assume the best team in the competition is the champion of Super Rugby this year.
Some years there’s legitimate claim that a better winner, or even finalist contender, may have been knocked out earlier than they should.
This year the Chiefs have been the most consistent team in the regular season, scored the second most bonus points, beat a strong Crusaders team in the semi-finals and a red hot Brumbies in the final.
For all the other teams that are looking at the Chiefs celebrate, the worst part is they are better than them.
One anchorman was more man than the rest. His name was Ron Burgundy. He was like a God walking among mere mortals. He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr and suits that made Frank Sinatra look like hobo.
Seriously Dan Carter, you still make other people look like imitations.
Carter is 31 years old now and this season might have been his best in Super Rugby for a long time.
He didn’t play every game this year – he may never do that again – but when he was on the field, the Crusaders changed into a completely different team.
Earlier in the year Tyler Blyendaal was doing his best to guide them around and certain aspects of his game are very good. But the Crusaders spent too much time going side-to-side and not going forward on many occasions.
I called it in one of his first games back – Carter turned the Crusaders into a team that demolished the Reds in a final and wasn’t too far of a grand final appearance.
There still isn’t another fly-half in the world that is the perfect combination of attacking fulcrum, ball runner, distributor and field general like Carter is, and in 2013 he was back to some of his 2005-era best at times.
Everybody, shut the hell up. Ron Burgundy’s on!
Some people like to watch the six-o’clock San Diego local news because Ron Burgundy was on television.
Other people, like myself, got used to rushing home from work on a Friday to watch the 5.30pm New Zealand kick-off.
This time-slot – especially in the first half of the year, with New Zealand teams playing attractive rugby at home on dry tracks – turned into the time to watch rugby if you were paying attention.
It started with a wildly entertaining 41-27 match between the Chiefs and Highlanders and extended through Blues v Crusaders (34-15), Hurricanes v Crusaders (29-28) and Highlanders v Hurricanes (19-23).
Even the second last round of the season saw the early Friday time-slot host the Crusaders v Chiefs (43-15) game that was both extremely good to watch and led some to believe the tables had turned on the reigning champions.
Like the San Diegans, I had found my little, slightly secret rugby treasure only I and a few other rugby aficionados had noticed.
Champ here. I’m all about having fun… Whammy!
One of the break-out teams of 2013 was the Cheetahs.
After toiling away in obscurity (for Australasian viewers) and with lack of success for many years, the Cheetahs finally made it into the finals and came within a sideline conversion attempt at tying the Brumbies on the siren.
They also match sports reporter, Champ Kind, to a tee.
Their style of play is somewhat open and players like Willie Le Roux gave them unpredictability and a level of creativity other teams couldn’t match (even in the absence of their best fly-half, Johan Goosen, for much of the year).
Some would say their rugby was all about having fun.
But, as Brumbies coach Jake White pointed out before the qualifying final, the Cheetahs are actually a strong, physical team.
Their pack has the ability to put the ‘Whammy’ on anyone, with players like Adriaan Strauss, Pieter Labuschagne and Phillip van der Walt.
Their pack specialised in holding up ball runners and turning tackles into mauls, which takes very good teamwork and brute strength to execute.
If you managed to get to ground, Heinrich Brussow was there to terrorise you as well.
Yes, a great balance of ‘having fun’ and ‘Whammy!’
Sky rockets in flight (pew!) Afternoon delight!
You know you’re watching a good comedy when they somehow slip a musical number in there and you don’t even mind.
Normally, songs in a movie aren’t my thing. They don’t do much besides slow down the plot or provide a chance to check my twitter feed, but this little number fit perfectly and still makes me laugh every single time.
Musical comedy and you barely even notice.
The decision made by the Rebels to install Scott Higginbotham as captain this year was perhaps a little out of left field, but worked so smoothly it’s barely been talked about since.
The Rebels endured a tough start to the season through injury and off-field distractions. Naming Higginbotham captain, as a first-year player, someone who hasn’t been a consistent week-in and week-out performer, and one without any specific leadership experience in the past, was a risky move.
Higginbotham rose to the occasion and submitted some of the best performances by a number eight of the entire season.
The Rebels all lifted around him and submitted some great 80 minute games while he was in charge.
His play was at its best during the tightest moments of the game and he often game through with big runs or turnovers when the side needed them.
Suddenly Higginbotham was living up to his physical talent every single week and taking the whole team with him.
Making him captain was the right decision; one that worked so well it was barely noticed enough to give credit where it was due.
Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.
It occurred to me in the final scene, after hearing that line, Christina Applegate had basically stuck with Will Ferrell for the most part, which is a rare thing.
Many others have tried to be over the top funny like Ferrell or just look plain awkward next to him.
Jon Heder is no match for Ferrell in ‘Blades of Glory’, the same goes for Woody Harrelson in ‘Semi Pro’ or John C. Reilly in ‘Step Brothers’.
Sticking with Ferrell shows Applegate clearly has chops, so what’s happened to her since then?
It seems very strange that her IMDb page is basically a black hole between Anchorman 1 and the upcoming Anchorman 2, with only an atrocious sitcom in between of note.
Not many other actors have the ability to do their own thing so well in a Ferrell movie.
Like Ferrell’s movies, the Reds basically had the top spot of the Australian conference to themselves since Ewen McKenzie took over. And, with all due respect to Reds fans, it’s more fun when there is a tighter race at the top.
The next closest team was the Waratahs, who were never really a chance of taking them out.
This year the Brumbies came along and gave an alternative option to top dog and, after stumbling at the line last year, became the team to beat.
Suddenly there are two teams with legitimate claims to being the top billed cast member and they’re going to be duking it out for some time to come I think.
No, she gets a special cologne. It’s called Sex Panther. It’s illegal in nine countries… they’ve done studies you know – 60% of the time it works every time!
When Veronica shows up in the Channel Four newsroom, Ron and all his mates try to get her to go out with them. They all use their best pick-up line in vain.
Brian Fantana’s horrible Sex Panther cologne was never going to work, as it smelled horrific to everyone but him and made Veronica physically ill.
Obviously the worst season of the year in 2013 goes to the Highlanders.
They had a team full of legitimate talent, coming off the back of a resurgent performance in the 2012 season.
And they completely bombed.
The season was kicked off with a three-game home stand that netted them zero wins. It wasn’t until the 12th round the Highlanders notched one up in the W column for the first time.
Making matters even worse, they lost to the Force, Rebels and Kings. That’s the lowest three teams available for them to lose to given that they occupied second last place themselves.
With the likes of Andrew Hore, Aaron Smith, Ma’a Nonu, Ben Smith, Aaron Smith, Hosea Gear and other classy players, this season was an abject failure.
Part two of the Anchorman awards still to come…
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