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The Bledisloe Cup, like Sonny Bill Williams’ contract negotiations or Western Force victories, is an event that only occurs a few times every year. Hence, come the big day you really want to make sure that your preparation is John Eales-level perfect.
For the players themselves this is relatively simple, as their pre-match responsibilities involve little more than a bit of light stretching, scheduling some tweets and making sure to hide last night’s burger wrappers from Ewen McKenzie.
For those hosting a Bledisloe Cup party however, the night can be an extremely stressful occasion, requiring hours of intense planning, complex negotiation and a tactical approach even Sir Clive Woodward would describe as ‘thoroughly comprehensive’.
In the interest of getting you into the winners circle then here’s The Roar‘s ‘tight five’ for Bledisloe night success!
The venue
If your home ground is more Rat Park than Suncorp Stadium, then Bledisloe night is the perfect opportunity to splash out for some new ‘facilities’ (or at least throw out your collection of sweet potatoes that look like Martin Johnson).
Just remember, like a good second rower, no TV can ever be too big and, like your lineout throw, the amenities can never be too clean (even if you can’t guarantee everything’s going to go in straight for the rest of the evening).
The crowd
While no one wants to have a cast the size of the British and Irish Lions touring staff camped in their living room, you also don’t want you Bledisloe party to resemble the Oamaru chapter of the Quade Cooper fan club.
Enough guests to play a pick-up game of sevens or get a decent rolling maul going at halftime should suffice, with an optimal 5:1 Aussie to Kiwi ratio to ensure adequate sledging and/or channel changing depending on the outcome.
Entertainment
For guests who’ve only come over to watch the Haka and then ridicule your CD collection, it’s savvy to set up an alternate ‘entertainment hub’ in the spare room/garage/garden shed for their specific needs.
Stick on ‘Invicticus’ and a loop of Gordon Bray exclamations and chances are they won’t know the difference.
This area also doubles up as a ‘chill out’ zone for guests asking questions about scrums, those debating the pronunciation of Joseph Tomane’s surname or your ‘athletic’ mate drawing endless comparison between what’s happening on screen and his playing days at the Smithfield Warthogs thirds.
Food
Ensure good service at the breakdown (if you don’t get good service from your pizza joint then the delivery driver’s car has probably broken down).
The beer
While we all love a bit of champagne rugby, everyone knows it’s the amber ale that drives the green and gold.
But is there anything worse than desperately scrambling for your precious nectar during the ad break after your beers are scattered all over the fridge like a Namibian World Cup side’s defence? Prepare well for this eventuality.
So that’s how I reckon you should prepare for the Bledisloe! What do Roarers think?
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.