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I say the Springboks will play in the Rugby World Cup grand final this year. Our dear friend Biltongbek says the Boks won’t make it that far. We have a lot riding on this friendly wager.
A big bag of the best biltong from the north: marinated, dried, cured, spiced delicious meat, according to Biltongbek’s secret recipe, accompanied by copious volumes of Namibian beer.
Versus a big clean yellowfin caught off the Cape and ice-packed to Johannesburg, paired with a dry Boland sauvignon blanc.
So far in 2015, biltong appears to be beating the fish.
Heyneke Meyer is the Goldilocks of world rugby: his teams are too old or too young, but never just right.
Biltongbek has powerful arguments. Jean de Villiers is playing Currie Cup, which means one of the sensational young Bok centres is probably going to be unlucky. Victor Matfield isn’t on the field and his heir apparent, Pieter-Steph du Toit, is where he always is: the physio room.
Jaque Fourie is piling up yen and not in the gym. Andries Bekker won’t play for his father’s Boks. Willem Alberts crushed his own bones, while his starting loose forward mates, Francois Louw and Duane Vermeulen have both had neck surgeries.
Jannie du Plessis has defended his tighthead jersey, and one of his challengers, Vincent Koch, just broke a rib.
Willie le Roux can’t tackle a front rower even with 15 metres of anticipation. Cornal Hendricks is afraid of the high ball and Julian Savea.
Bryan Habana has lost three steps, and grown the least intimidating hairdo in world rugby. Handre Pollard is a rare talent, but still hasn’t learned to control a game like Jonny Sexton.
The only young scrumhalf blooded, Cobus Reinach, acts before he thinks, Ruan Pienaar thinks a minute before he acts, and Fourie du Preez seems to get injured if he drinks a latte wrong.
The Boks just lost to Australia and New Zealand, their most likely knockout opponents, and Meyer’s diagnosis for the first loss was: “Victor would’ve won it” and the second post mortem was “Lood could’ve won it.”
So, what do you think, Roarers?
Will I be trudging out to Hout Bay on a frigid dawn, setting sail in the good ship ‘Down and Out’ to catch my friend a fish?
Or will he be curing meat in his shed, reliving the memories of good Cape boys Louw, de Allende, le Roux, Pollard, Etzebeth, and Schalk Burger running on to Twickenham’s hallowed turf with the Cup sitting on the table nearby?
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.