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As Australia made hay in the sunshine, the West Indies repeatedly shot themselves in the foot.
I stared in amazement. Everyone else on the hill stared in amazement. Not for a mercifully brief time. For several seconds.
It had taken two and a half sessions for the perfect image of the first day at Blundstone Arena to emerge. I knew it would be bad, but even on a day where the West Indies had gone through the floor, I was surprised.
Five men on the fence were bad, as was Kraigg Braithwaite and Jermaine Blackwood bowling because 50 overs, 15 by a spinner, had been bowled in four hours of cricket. The West Indies having to walk to lunch six overs behind just after having taken their third wicket of the session was bad.
But Jason Holder’s slow dawdle to short fine-leg, so slow that it made Inzamam ul-Haq seem positively hyperactive, after a prolonged conversation with his slow bowler and half a session dedicated to improving the truly abysmal over-rate, was worse.
That was the moment that even the most die-hard believer stopped believing there was any West Indian plan to take wickets, or even dry up the runs, that didn’t rely on Adam Voges or Shaun Marsh acting with stupidity.
It was the best possible example of how the West Indians managed to find the simplest ways to shoot themselves in the foot, and then implementing the wrong solution to fix the problem.
Until injury forced him from the field, Shannon Gabriel was the best of the West Indian fast bowlers. He was the only fast bowler who got a wicket. He was the quickest of the lot. I wanted him to succeed.
However, Gabriel also bowled the worst no-ball of the day. After he did so, he glared at the pitch on which he had slid, but from a blatantly over-the-line position.
Sawdust was then summoned, for the legal area of the crease from which Gabriel had not bowled the delivery. Figure that out.
As I said, I wanted him to succeed. I still do. But the West Indian players can make it so hard for spectators to want them to succeed.
Another West Indian player I want to succeed is Devendra Bishoo. Mystifyingly, considering how much he troubled Australia earlier this year, he was sitting in the dressing room.
Now, one has to be fair to Jomel Warrican. He had a good Test debut in Sri Lanka. He was probably the best of the bowlers on day one. He dismissed David Warner and Steve Smith.
He was hampered with fields that made it virtually impossible to string dots together. He and Bishoo could definitely play together.
But the situation cried out for Bishoo in the afternoon. A bowler who could have beaten the nonsensical fields as well as the batsmen. A bowler who could have lived with being smashed into the Derwent River.
But there’s a fourth and final thing that was incomprehensible about the West Indies, and this relates to the entire day – the lack of leadership in the field.
Or to be more precise, the lack of leadership from people who are not Jason Holder, who admittedly didn’t have a good day. Denesh Ramdin was Holder’s predecessor. Marlon Samuels is the oldest member of the side.
Watching the West Indies in the field was depressing. There was little energy in the field, little voice, horrible body language.
Both Ramdin and Samuels have been Test cricketers for more than a decade.
Where were they? What were they doing to improve the situation? To improve the intensity, on a day where the intensity sank through the floor?
There are things beyond your control, such as how the other side plays.
But the West Indies are terrible at doing things within their control. How quickly they move into position. Picking a good leg-spinner. Setting a field to two well-set batsmen that contains the faintest hint of aggression. Senior players showing leadership on tough days.
The West Indies on-field incomprehensive actions are a microcosm of the West Indies off the field and, until things improve off the field, it’s hard to see things improving on it, even if Chris Gayle is probably the only T20 franchise player that would walk into the West Indian side.
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