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I am a Newcastle Knights supporter. Not the paint your house red and blue, or tattoo Joey’s face on your calf kind of fan, but a fan nonetheless. And like my fellow Novocastrians, I had a feeling this season was going to be more painful than listening to a nine-year-old learn the violin.
The off-season saw a host of declining veterans ushered out the door, and Nathan Brown was hired to undertake a total rebuild of the club’s roster. Brown opted to learn from the innumerable mistakes perpetrated during the ill-fated Tinkler/Bennett regime, and pledged to create a team capable of sustained success, rather than immediate glory.
Unlike Bennett’s penchant of importing crusty greybeards who have experience playing in his system, Brown listened to the bleating cries from the Newcastle faithful, and has made a concerted effort to retain and develop local juniors. His reasoning is sound, his vision is admirable, but the results thus far have been diabolical.
The 62-0 drubbing yesterday against Cronulla was downright embarrassing. Newcastle players avoided physicality with such proficiency that you would think they were allergic to Sharks. The Macquarie Scorpions would have made a better game of it. So after enduring this latest calamity, I started to wonder – are we witnessing the worst team in the 19 year history of the National rugby league? I decided to look back at some of the least successful sides since 1998 and track just how badly the Knights are travelling.
Western Suburbs Magpies (1998): 24 games, four wins, 371 for, 802 against, differential -431.
From the smouldering ashes of the Super League war, 20 teams tentatively emerged to participate in the inaugural season of the National Rugby League. The first season of this newly-minted competition was to act as a litmus test for the clubs, measuring factors such as their financial viability, fan support and on-field success, as the NRL moved towards a 14 team competition in the year 2000.
Western Suburbs were not blessed with the lucrative corporate support enjoyed by the Roosters or Broncos, and did not possess the acres of poker machines lining the pockets of sides like Parramatta or Penrith. As a result, the Magpies were unable to compete with the silly salaries handed out in the aftermath of the Super League war, and were left to field a collection of rookies, journeymen and fading stars that would make Craig Bellamy blush. Coach Tommy Raudonikis and captain Paul Langmack provided the Magpies with some heart and soul, but the talent level just wasn’t sufficient to compete with the likes of Newcastle and Brisbane.
Wests were beaten badly and often. I’ve seen piñatas endure less punishment. They only managed to scrape together a paltry four wins over the 24-game season, and conceded a massive 802 points (33.4ppg), which at the time was the worst defensive performance in the history the foundation club. For a team who had featured in finals football just two years prior, such a sharp decline was excruciating for fans and players alike. But things could only get better, right?
Western Suburbs Magpies (1999): 24 games, three wins, 285 for, 944 against, differential -659.
Wrong. In what was to be the final season for this once proud club, the 1999 Magpies were a rabble. Fielding an even less experienced and talented squad than the one which captured the wooden spoon the previous year, Wests orchestrated one of the most putrid seasons in the modern era.
The Magpies attack was non-existent. Led around the park by the likes of Leo Dynevor and a young Brett Hodgson, they posted a depressing 285 (11.9ppg) points throughout the season. But while their attack was less potent than a West Coast Cooler, it was in defence that the Magpies were historically dreadful. Over the course of 24 games, Wests leaked an astronomical 944 points, which works out to be 39.3 points per game. On seven occasions, they conceded at least 50 points in a game, and in four of these fixtures, they conceded over 60 points.
It all came to a sad conclusion for the Magpies on a Sunday afternoon in Campbelltown in front of almost 8000 diehard Fibro supporters. After 91 years of rich tradition, including four premierships and five minor premierships, Western Suburbs were thrashed 60-16 by Stacey Jones and the Auckland Warriors.
South Sydney Rabbitohs (2006): 24 games, three wins, 429 for, 772 against, differential -343
South Sydney endured some dark times after gaining re-entry into the NRL in 2002. They were awarded back to back wooden spoons in 2003 and 2004, and would have captured the trifecta of torture had the Bulldogs not been caught cheating the salary cap in 2002.
The 2006 season should have been a turning point for the Rabbitohs. The club had assembled a respectable cast of players, buoyed by the recruitment of an in-form Joe Gulavao and the mid-season snaffling of a declining yet still effective David Peachey. They had established a competent halves pairing in Ben Walker and a young John Sutton, and Nathan Merritt provided strike-power on the wing.
Unfortunately, things just didn’t go according to plan. They rarely did for Souths back then. Ben Walker was limited to only a dozen games due to injury, Luke MacDougall was limited by the fact that he was Luke MacDougall, and coach Shane “Bomber” McRae was unable to follow Bellamy’s recipe for changing water into wine.
As a result, the Bunnies scratched and clawed their way to only three victories, the result of a porous defence which allowed 772 points (32.2 per game) over the course of the season. South Sydney added yet another wooden spoon to a trophy cabinet already boasting more timber than a furniture store.
Parramatta Eels (2013): 24 games, five wins, 326 for, 740 against, differential -414
I don’t like to kick a team when they’re down, but the Eels are just such an easy target. What a stunning model of dysfunction this club has become. The 2013 version of the Parramatta Eels will be best remembered for the arrival and swift departure of coaching phenom Ricky Stuart. For a club which welcomes the dawn of a new age more frequently than a Roman calendar, Stuart’s prized signature was brazenly declared the biggest signing since Peter Sterling.
Stuart embarked on his Blue and Gold adventure by embracing old school tactics, and technology. In an act more fitting of a year nine history teacher than a first grade coach, he famously announced his intention to move on a dozen players by splashing a list of names on an overhead projector during a team meeting.
He then displayed his considerable coaching nous by filling the Nathan Hindmarsh-sized hole in leadership by appointing the felonious Reni Maitua as co-captain. Add in the selection of Chris Sandow at halfback, and you would wonder if Stuart had ever actually seen a game of rugby league before arriving at Parramatta.
The players responded in predictable fashion. Despite exploding out of the gate with a crushing 40-10 victory over the Warriors, they soon settled into the familiar rut of failure. With favourite son Jarryd Hayne limited to only 14 games, the Eels were left with less star-power than Fuller House. They collected five wins over the course of another wasted campaign, in which they only managed to post 326 points (13.6ppg) while conceding a mammoth 740 points (30.1ppg). Rock bottom of this miserable season was a massacre in Melbourne, where the Storm annihilated the Eels 64-4.
Newcastle Knights (2016)*: 24 games, 2.4 wins, 245 for, 852 against, differential -607
Now I understand that wholesale personnel changes combined with blooding a host of rookie players is never going to translate into immediate success. But has Nathan Brown invested in the right players to drag the Knights back into rugby league relevance?
Knights supporters have long heard of the prodigious talents of the Mata’utia brothers. The club collects them like Tazos. But where have they been this season? Despite rare glimpses of their vast potential, the performances have just not eventuated. Their vaunted attacking potency has yielded an anaemic two tries combined, while opposition teams are running through the Mata’utia family like a recessive gene.
Jarrod Mullen obliged his many doubters by succumbing to his dodgy hamstrings once again, while Trent Hodkinson’s play has regressed among an inferior supporting cast. Mullen’s absence has allowed for the emergence of teenage sensation Brock Lamb, rumoured to be a rare talent, but he hasn’t been able to cook up any magic thus far.
This Sims brothers are more bark than bite these days, despite the menacing nature of their tattoos and facial hair. The Saifiti twins look promising (or at least one of them does – it’s hard to tell which) but miss far too many tackles and run for far too few metres to justify their continued selection. Jaelen Feeney and Jake Mamo have received plenty of hype, but their inability to supplant the likes of Nathan Ross and Akuila Uate is telling.
So how has Nathan Brown’s squad fared so far in 2016? Through 10 gruesome rounds, the Knights have accrued one measly win against the streaky Tigers and a draw against the defensively challenged Raiders. They are averaging a league low 10.2 points per game while conceding a league high 35.5 points per game, and have been kept scoreless on three occasions.
And while the Knights have been incredibly hard to watch so far this year, it is their utter dominance at the wrong end of almost every statistical category which is simply amazing.
Newcastle are dead last in the following: competition points, points for, points against, tries, goals, all runs, all run metres, line breaks, line break assists, offloads, kicks, kick metres, kick return metres and possession percentage. At least Nathan Brown does not discriminate, with his troops being consistently dreadful across the board.
I’m sure somewhere, Trent Barrett is smiling.
*statistics after ten rounds projected over 24 rounds
Verdict
Under the current salary cap restrictions and in this era of professionalism, it’s hard to imagine any side performing worse than the 1999 Western Suburbs Magpies. Their astounding ineptitude in all facets of the game makes their selection as the NRL’s worst an easy one.
At their current pace, the Knights will post a meagre 245 points for the season. To put this number into context, three clubs have already scored more than this in only 10 rounds. And just to rub some salt into Novocastrian wounds, even a terminally ill Adelaide Rams side burdened by Noel Goldthorpe playing halfback scored more points during their lone NRL campaign. Their defence doesn’t project to be as apocalyptic as the Magpies sides of the late 90s, but should end up sitting somewhere between abysmal and appalling.
The Knights look certain to add another piece of kindling to their already incendiary trophy case. And while their progress so far this year puts them marginally ahead of the 99 Magpies, Newcastle look set to author one of the least successful seasons in the 19 year history of the National rugby league.
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