As our batsmen liquefied in Hobart, Cricket Australia announced an exciting new partnership which will see Microsoft technology teamed with our major-soft cricketers.
The tech giant has agreed to fit-out the national program with all-new performance tracking technology. It’s much like the existing performance tracking technology, only except with more buzzy terms like ‘cutting edge’ and ‘a colossal price tag.’
Considering there’s nothing else in the game that currently requires attention, this is a real coup landed by James Sutherland.
If there’s anything that will address the team’s lack of cricket fundamentals, it’s more power to the sports science unit and definitely more computers.
Experts have been crying out for too long, bemoaning that our batsmen will never learn to negotiate the swinging ball until there are more laptops.
Finally their prayers have been answered.
But despite the immediate and tangible benefits of more snazzier technology, it is sure to attract criticism from the “skeptics”, “non-believers” and “former cricketers who played without technology and still performed way better than anyone today.”
These naysayers will always claim the link between science and performance to be tenuous, despite the facts speaking for themselves.
It is indisputable that the technological revolution has been a raging success for Australia. It was no more evident than in their last victory, that being against Ireland sometime back in August.
Not only this, the regime has been highly fruitful for the bowling unit.
Under this program, more bowlers have returned from injury than at any point in history. The numbers are undeniable.
That’s why any person claiming this deal to be further ‘paralysis by analysis’ is simply out-of-touch. Everyone knows more data is king, and that you can’t sustain further paralysis if you’re already fully paralysed.
Paying for more RAM-clogging goodness instead of investing the money in teaching kids how to catch is the most pivotal move of Australia’s resurrection.
And you want to know why?
Because this metric-based workload management intelligence system powered by optimal GPS intelligence and VO2 threshold biomechanic science monitoring technology cuts through the bull-speak and provides real solutions.
It doesn’t teach line and length, how to build an innings or any of that other wasteful stuff we so desperately need, it specialises in a meticulous ability to predict the behaviours of Australian cricketers right down to their most precise stuff-up.
According to the guy who sold this technology to Cricket Australia, forecasting performance and behaviours will provide a crucial technological edge for our team.
Apparently, knowing exactly what a player is about to do can tell you many things. For example, injury risk, fatigue, behaviour triggers, pretty much everything except whether or not they are actually any good at cricket.
Think of the possibilities!
Knowing when an Australian batsmen will blow a DRS referral on an LBW that is destroying middle stump.
Tracking when our first slip will drop a critical catch off the opposition’s best batsman, how costly it will be, and how much stale acting in bank adverts that will occur in between.
Then there’s knowing how close a bowler is to a wicket from a no-ball at 2/380, how strong the side’s momentary second innings rally will be and how unfairly it will generate hope, and finally, what day the team will eventually be defeated by 150+ runs.
See what I mean? None of this valuable know-how is available from a simple ‘net’.
So chin up, Australia. New technology is taking us back to the top.
With computers as our saviour and an eventual takeover by robots, we’ll be back there in no time.
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