So some knucklehead in Telecom conjured up the daftest idea to galvanize support behind the All Blacks on the eve of Rugby World Cup 2011.
“Let’s run a promotional campaign calling on all Kiwis to abstain from sex for the duration of the tournament!” he declared.
And the boardroom of knuckleheads cheered, “Of course! That was so obvious. Let’s invoke a sex-ban!”
So on Sunday, Telecom’s ‘Backing Black’ abstinence campaign launches via simultaneous television broadcasts beginning around 8:40pm, meaning this season’s Fear Factor just became the ‘Cringe Factor’.
Am I the only one who doesn’t get it? I can’t join the dots. An abstinence-type campaign better compliments a famine-like scenario. Like feed the hungry.
Speaking of appetites, 65-year-old All Blacks coach Graham Henry clearly has a healthy one. Because even he’s not prepared to come under the dictates of a 45-day sex restriction.
Word has it Henry baulked at the idea when first asked by Telecom to front the campaign. The head coach is said to have fled Telecom’s boardroom table faster than seven All Black wingers vying for two spaces.
Hot on Henry’s heels were Richie McCaw and several other senior players, avoiding implications in a practice that they’re not prepared to preach.
The short straw appears to have been drawn by former All Blacks icon Sean Fitzpatrick, whose manhood stocks have plummeted within hours of his appointment.
But wait, there’s more. Willing participates will adorn a black rubber ring on their finger as a public sign of who’s suffering the self-imposed affliction. Black armbands would be more appropriate to my way of thinking.
Please Telecom, pull the pin and save our country from global embarrassment.
The only people smiling about this development are the Adidas lot. Their overpriced jerseys suddenly appear entirely reasonable in the face of Telecom’s plan to declare New Zealand a shag-free zone for the duration of the pinnacle tournament.
Gosh. Who needs enemies when the NZ Rugby Union has sponsors like Adidas and Telecom.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.
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