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Kevin Rudd, the Australian Prime Minister, has issued an apology to the survivors of the 1984 Wallaby team whose reputations have been tarnished by association with the current crop of Australian rugby tourists.
The apology comes after the Wallabies failure to defeat an easily beatable Irish team only one week after finishing within nine points of an impotent and pedestrian English team.
Rudd acknowledged the great hurt and shame that the likes of Andrew Slack and Michael Lynagh must have felt when it was suggested that the likes of Matt Giteau and Drew Mitchell could match their historic performances.
On receiving news of the Wallabies dire draw with a hit-and-miss Ireland, Rudd briefly exposed his inner pain by appearing to shed a tear and then breaking off into rather laboured couplings of Australian sayings.
“I mean fair suck of the old savaloy sausage roll,” Rudd said. “Fairy dinkum, these drongbats don’t deserve to stand in the shade of Ella or Campo. I mean if you want to run with the big dogs you’ve got to piss in the long grass.”
Later that day a much more composed Rudd spoke of the nation’s shame and at a press conference. “We come together today to deal with an ugly chapter in our nation’s history,” he said. “And we come together today to offer our nation’s apology.”
Referring to the thousands of Wallaby supporters who travelled to Dublin for the game, the Australian Prime Minister said, “We look back with shame that so many of you were left cold, hungry and alone and with nowhere to hide and with nobody, absolutely nobody, to whom to turn.”
Rudd also apologised for the length of Eddie Jones’ reign as Wallaby coach, the whole ARC debacle, the Greg Smith years and for ever allowing Al Baxter within six miles of a Wallaby jersey.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.