With the 2012 NRL season on our doorstep, it’s a good time to reflect on what makes up this hilarious, controversial, exciting and at times nauseating sporting cocktail.
No other code can boast such a record of complete chaos off the field while simultaneously producing some of the most amazing competition you’re likely to see anywhere on earth.
Wayne Bennett will attempt to win the premiership with Newcastle in his first season. If he succeeds, every other coach will seem like an idiot. At half time during the All Stars match, Bennett was reported to have told his flagging troops to…wait for it…hang on to the ball. Please tell me there is more to his genius than that.
Todd Carney re-enters the fray on his 5633975th chance with Cronulla. If Todd is able to avoid the many temptations of the Cronulla night life…well, let’s just cross that bridge when we come to it. Either way, any league fan would be well advised to keep one eye on the Sharks this season.
One issue which looks certain to rear its head is Gus Gould’s…head. Throughout last season we witnessed an alarming deterioration in the great man’s appearance. He has assured us that he is fine and perfectly healthy.
The same cannot be said of those poor children who happened to catch a glimpse of him standing on the field before origin. Who’d have thought that one of the host’s of the Sunday Roast would end up looking like one. Poor Gus.
The State of Origin series again promises to be a circus of vaudevillian proportions. The headline act being the hysterical madness of the Blues camp, led by the enthusiastic and unpredictable Ricky Stuart.
Last year the Blues preparation featured Grandma Hopoate, private performances by Shannon Noll, round robin table tennis and countless tears. Clearly it’s not simply the Maroons that the Blues must overcome.
If we turn our attention from the field to the television studio similar chaos is ensuing there. As Matthew Johns prepares to return from exile via fox sports, it’s hard to imagine why Channel Nine didn’t move heaven and earth to sign him.
Any idiot could tell you The Footy Show needs help… actually don’t ask any idiot. Any idiot would love the show. It’s those fans with some semblance of a brain who Fatty and friends have difficulty connecting with. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Dobbo hosting if last year’s form is anything to go on.
Ray Warren will be looking to build on his big win over the Gillard government on the pokies tax. It was his and Sir Gus’ robust advocacy on behalf of Clubs Australia which was directly responsible for PM Gillard reneging on her deal with Andrew Wilkie.
Which issue he focuses his homespun commonsense on next is anyone’s guess.
Sometimes I worry about David Gallop. Seriously, the players whinge about pressure. He must just laugh sometimes. The rest of his time I imagine will be spent trying to figure out what could possibly happen next. With season 2012 imminent, we are about to find out and I can’t wait.
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"Apologise for my appearance as well, boys - I usually look better than this!"
Nicho Hynes has not quite made an undeniable case to be Nathan Cleary’s halves partner for NSW but he should be the first five-eighth…
The Sharks halfback backed it up with a try from a few seconds later, through some more tired Canberra defenders.
The Sharks were scoring plenty of points, but equally impressive was their defence - stopping this near certainty!
After the Raiders hooker bombed a near-certain try, Sione Katoa scored at the other end of the field in a 12-point turnaround.
There is only one way for Cronulla to shake off their reputation for being flat-track bullies. They are off to an impressive start in…
