The New South Wales state government is considering a radical plan to solve Sydney’s ongoing rectangular football stadium issues, with a subcommittee report recommending that the sprawling city’s suburban grounds be torn up and amalgamated into one all-purpose, all-weather, all-singing, all-dancing super stadium.
The Roar has learned that the government has already earmarked a site in Katoomba for the proposed development, with the unofficial capital of the Blue Mountains tourist hub forecast to sit in the geographical heart of Sydney by the time the stadium construction is finished in time for the start of the 2032 NRL season.
A source close to the project has revealed that sections of grandstand from the home grounds of Sydney’s suburban grounds will be randomly placed around two-thirds of the super stadium, with the grass hill areas of Brookvale, Shark Park, Kogarah, Penrith Park, Leichhardt and Campbelltown, to form a six-tier stand on the eastern side of the field.
The toilet facilities will also be modelled on the dilapidated urine-soaked bunker at the northern end of Leichhardt “for that authentic suburban ground feel that young families love”, said the source.
Greater Western Sydney Giants coach Kevin Sheedy has come out as an unexpected supporter of the idea, buoyed by the excellent turnout to the first game at the fledgling AFL team’s redeveloped Skoda Stadium in the Homebush precinct. “If the big game on the weekend proved anything, it’s that Sydney is well and truly ready for another stadium with a capacity double what will ever realistically be needed,” Sheedy declared.
“Skoda has the added advantage of housing the biggest big screen in the Southern Hemisphere,” he continued, “so we’re looking into the idea of showing blockbuster movies on it during Giants games to give our loyal fan-base a full entertainment package. It’s certainly something NRL derbies like Parramatta versus Penrith should be looking into to boost crowd numbers this year.”
TAB Sportsbet are understood to have acquired naming rights to the Blue Mountains monstrosity, with bronze statues of Glenn Munsie and Jaimee Rogers already commissioned to stand each side of the tunnel to inspire players as they run on to the field.
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In other stadium news, the Federal Government is understood to have approached the Melbourne Cricket Ground Trust for exclusive naming rights to Australia’s largest sporting facility for the next 100 years. The Government has indicated that the ground’s name is likely to change, depending on the political discourse of the day.
“You just have to look at the goodwill generated for Allphones since they took over the naming rights for Acer Arena,” said a government spokesperson on a phone purchased from Allphones, “and don’t even get me started on Centrebet Stadium, which the people of Penrith have already embraced – not just as an institution, but as a beacon of hope.
“Having some flexibility with the MCG’s name will really help drive public debate,” the source continued. “For example, next time some boat people get caught trying to jump the queue it could be renamed Asylum Arena for a week to support our refugee policy, or Craig Thomson Cauldron to let Craig know we’ve got his back against the rats and the filth trying to bring him down.”
Andrew Demetriou is believed to have submitted a counter-offer to name the ground Folau-Hunt Field.
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