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It’s been a shocking week (even by their standards) in the NRL’s magical land of perennial false hope, the Parramatta Eels. First came the inevitable sacking (or resignation, depending on what you read/believe) of heavily-hyped coaching dud Stephen Kearney, followed with suspicious haste by the similarly inevitable appointment of Ricky Stuart as his replacement.
This has all been discussed at a greater length than even John Holmes sported in his prime (including by yours truly here) so it may be best to instead turn our attention to the other team affected by this appointment: New South Wales.
While there is a fair chance Parramatta will have sacked him by the time the 2013 State of Origin series rolls around anyway, at the moment it seems that Stuart will no longer fit into the plans of a state side committed to the idea of a full-time coach.
So while Sticky brushes up on his referee-bagging skills before his return to the world of full-time coaching ineptitude, let’s run through the list of contenders to replace him in the job he so emotionally committed himself to last year.
Brad Fittler
As Chris Chard previously alluded to, Fittler’s enthusiasm for the role is both whimsical and praiseworthy in equal measure. His brilliant sidestep has allowed him to dodge defence, responsibility and maturity in his time at the top, so it would be a shame if he ran straight into all this.
Then again, much like when Fatty Vautin somehow ended NSW’s run of wins despite having to rely on the likes of Tony Hearn and Craig Teevan, a bit of Fittler’s beer and pie larrikinism could be just what NSW needs.
Laurie Daley
More one-eyed than Mark Boucher, Daley has the intensity, self-importance and hatred of Queensland to take on the job. Unfortunately, after listening to his Fox Sports commentary it is equally clear that instinct and ability took him to the top, not intelligence.
Like many former great footballers (hey there, Wally Lewis!) Daley communicates only through cliché, indecipherable nonsense and pointless observation. His appointment will guarantee that Queensland stretch their winning run to at least eight years in a row.
Trent Barrett
The current assistant coach seems to be well-placed to get the top job. Indeed, after all the bizarre, self-defeatingly stupid moves the NSW hierarchy have pulled in the last seven years, appointing a complete novice as head coach wouldn’t be a great shock at all.
Barrett did, after all, play 11 State of Origins over a 14 year period, while also being the dominant playmaker in St George-Illawarra’s great pre-Bennett period of finals calamity. As these facts illustrate, Trent Barrett is clearly a man who understands what it takes to not quite succeed on the game’s biggest stage.
Phil Gould
He still deserves a mention, but he’s probably too busy burning Penrith to the ground to find time for his beloved Blues, particularly with his ongoing hair colour issues to contend with. Given the hypnotic qualities of Gould’s ever-evolving locks, the likelihood that his players would be too intrigued by his hair to listen to his game plan would make this appointment a risky proposition indeed.
Jason Taylor
He’s the smart, ambitious nerd of the crop that seems unlikely to ever be accepted into this high-testosterone State of Origin world (despite figuring briefly in the 1993 series as orange cutter). The thinly-veiled disdain with which Footy Show panellists seem to reluctantly utter his name suggests a deep and sincere dislike of Taylor in the Blues inner sanctum.
Given the petulant, unrepentant, clutching-at-fading-relevance dross Taylor is churning out in his weekly Sydney Morning Herald article, it’s not hard to see why. He does seem a bit of a cretin.
Daniel Anderson
While questions marks linger over the way both clubs so keenly evicted him, his effort of taking two notoriously underachieving clubs to grand finals, while playing attractive, expansive football, is pretty impressive. He’s an unlikely appointment given the current trend of employing someone who ‘understands Origin’ (whatever that means), but he probably wouldn’t be a bad one.
Michael Potter
He played once for NSW, before they ever managed to win anything, so I’m not quite sure if he ‘understands Origin’ or not. Either way, he clearly does understand coaching. Though many in Australia prefer to pretend the English Super League only exists as an NRL retirement village, Potter’s coaching record in England and France is actually quite impressive.
In a coaching career that began in 2007, Potter has achieved considerable success at Les Catalans, St Helens and Bradford, proving himself particularly adept at bringing young players into the top team. While he probably would’ve been the better appointment for Parramatta to make at club level, his snubbing there could see him instead have some small, molecular hope of coaching the Blues.
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