Just as the Indigenous All Stars need an NRL All Stars side to play against each year, last year’s 1992-Present Ranga All Stars will need opposition to play against.
In the shape of the Advanced Hair Studio sponsored Prematurely Balding All Stars 1992 – Present, I think we have found a more than worthy opposition.
Fullback
As a future Immortal, Darren Lockyer is a walk up start at fullback.
One of the greatest players of the modern era was too busy picking up premiership winning temperament while the rest of us lined up for a long lasting head of hair. Who’s happier?
Wing
Captain, coach and first player picked is Wayne Bennett.
No, wait a minute, that’s Scott Minto!
Given the less than flattering moniker of ‘40-20′ Minto is the Prematurely-Balding All Stars ‘Preston Campbell’, the inspiration and catalyst for the concept.
Centre
The Black Pearl, Steve Renouf, played most of his career with headgear.
Thousands upon thousands of sports administrators and footy Mums out there assume that these helmets are sported to protect the head.
In reality Renouf was just trying to hide his premature baldness.
Early reports are that Renouf is still in balding denial and refusing to accept his invitation to the side.
The other centre is just as steadfast in his balding denial.
Illawarra Steelers superstar Mary McGreggor is adamant that the hairless head he sported throughout his career was purely optional, and he could have grown his hair out if he wanted.
We don’t believe him and have selected him in the backline, ahead of Matt Geyer and the McDougall brothers Adam and Luke.
Wing
Made his debut in front of 110,000 fans at ANZ Stadium as a 17 year old. It really doesn’t get much better than that, does it?
For Luke Burt, he could have debuted in front of a handful of punters at Adelaide Oval against the mighty Adelaide Rams and it wouldn’t have gotten any better for he was about to lose his hair.
Five Eighth
Laurie Daley. The boy from Junee appears to have already indulged in a little of the naming rights sponsor’s treatments.
The usually irreversible balding process was somehow reversed by Laurie, and all of New South Wales is hoping that he can have the same impact in State of Origin sooner rather than later
Halfback
Quite possibly the toughest, or the stupidest, player of all time was Geoff Toovey.
Never scared to put his head in front of a ball carrier’s knee in an effort to halt their forward progression, Tooves can add baldness to toothlessness in his online dating profiles.
Front Row
Jason Akermanis performed handstands after winning grand finals with the Brisbane Lions.
Anybody that’s completed rear five gymnastics knows that the cartwheel is the natural progression of a handstand and it was Glenn Lazarus in 1999 that demonstrated just how far ahead of the AFL rugby league is when he performed a 125kg cartwheel years before Aker’s handstands at the MCG.
Jason Akermanis is now captain coaching the O and M cellar dwellers North Albury while big Lazo is going bald. How the mighty have fallen.
Hooker
None of the players selected in this side have stories more tragic than that of St George hooker Nathan Brown.
Apart from narrowly missing a grand final victory in 1999, having his career cut short by a neck injury, and preliminary final appearances as a coach, the true tragedy of Brownie is what happened to the luscious mop of hair he sported early in his career.
Front Row
Big Michael Weyman must feel a little embarrassed if he has to get ready for a game next to the likes of Matt Cooper.
Blessed with a terribly sloppy body and without a hair to spare on top of his head Weyman is advised to get ready for games next to the tall midget Jamie Soward.
That will do wonders for his self esteem.
Second Row
The Raging Bull Gordon Tallis is another walk up start and the third Australian captain selected in the side.
What Gordy lacks in hair he made up for ten fold in intimidation stakes.
A seriously scary prospect on the field, Tallis is one player that is not in danger of being sledged for his lack of hair – or anything else for that matter.
Second Row
There are many theories for determining the likelihood of baldness.
Whichever one you choose to believe in, the Geyer family are undoubtedly ‘baldies’.
Loose cannon Mark Geyer is as mad as a cut snake, and it is hoped the Rangas will be the red to MG’s bull and fans can be entertained by the sheer physicality of Penrith’s mountain man.
Lock
Shane Webcke once picked a fight with Kevin Campion. The great Queenslander is still seeing stars.
Needless to say with Gordy, MG and Campion in the backrow not too many sides will be going the knuckle with this line-up, despite how old and geriatric they may appear.
Well there you have it.
With a selection panel of one we have managed to select an Advanced Hair Representative side to raise awareness for baldness in an annual charity match against the Rangas who are raising awareness for the plight of fanta-pants sufferers across the country.
With more than a few controversial selections across the sides, the scene is set for a series of spiteful encounters.
With whispers of a Super League-style Tri-Series what 1992-Present side would you like to see included?
Already the Adrian Morley captained Convicts are heavily tipped for inclusion in the next round of expansion.
Reckon you can pick the winning team? Build your own dream team with Draftstars daily fantasy and compete on any match. For great odds on the NRL head on over to PlayUp. Imagine what you could be buying instead. Set a deposit limit.
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