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There are certain cricketers who possess the innate ability to simultaneously frighten their own fans and that of the opponents.
These maddening souls can infuriate their supporters to despair, juxtaposed with providing periods of entertainment and elation – often in the same match.
They have at times been match-winners and their prodigious talent hints at superstar status. But, life is mysterious and certain things cannot be explained. Such as, why these same players implode/appear drunk/sleepwalk on a few too many occasions.
Unfortunately, more than often this wild bunch disappoints. Inconsistencies, mental fragilities and dubious work ethic perhaps can partially be blamed for these temperamental performances.
As a supporter, you want these players selected. Maybe today is the day for something special, you ponder.
While, an opposition fan hopes the selectors’ patience has been eroded. There’s always the fear they could perform a special deed at any moment much to the chagrin of your team. Basically, they frighten the living daylights out of everyone.
I must stress, this list is derived from Test performances, as many are consistently brilliant in the coloured formats.
And this piece isn’t about chastising. Some have had decent careers, while others are still nurturing and may eventually seize the cup of consistency.
This breed is an integral element of the game and their schizophrenic tendencies make cricket so much more entertaining.
Without further ado, I present the World Scares XI.
David Warner (19 Tests, 39.46 avg, 3 hundreds)
He’s only played Test cricket for two years, and is still inexperienced in the longer format, so there is a distinct possibility Warner could eventually morph into Sehwag 2.0.
The cricketing public is seduced by the Good Warner – his virtuoso bravado on a difficult deck in Hobart chasing down the Kiwis, the evisceration of Dale Steyn et al in the opening day in Adelaide and the obliteration of the Indians at the WACA.
This is contrasted by the Bad Warner, who can’t temper his aggressive instincts and falls prey to the rash dismissal bane.
And the Ugly Warner, who was distracted being Australia’s on-field enforcer during the shambolic tour of India, and subsequently his batting was reduced to mediocrity.
Shane Watson (41 Tests, 35.34 avg, 2 hundreds, 62 wkts, 30 avg)
Watson has consumed way too much of my attention these past few months.
I agree, I probably need some professional help.
I’ve written a plethora of rants during this period, so I’m going to keep this as brief as possible.
Watson appears the archetypal modern cricketer – a physical specimen possessing an attacking array of strokes capable of decimating an attack, and adept at wreaking havoc with ball too.
Unfortunately fragility with brawn and brain has dashed any prospect of Watto fulfilling his precious talent in the whites.
His seismic ego has curtailed an innings on too many occasions. Watson’s intent on plundering and bashing an attack, akin to his coloured clothing impersonations, hasn’t yielded much success in the Test arena.
His match-winning prowess in the shorter formats has meant automatic Test inclusion even though his body of work hasn’t merited selection.
As an Aussie supporter, one can understand the perseverance. The cupboard isn’t brimming with talent. And Watson’s inclusion appears to strengthen the team. On paper, anyway.
But nearly aged 32, Watson, who is more injury prone than a Hollywood stuntman, is destined to become another frustrating case of unfulfilled promise.
Phil Hughes (24 Tests, 33 avg, 3 hundreds)
Remember when Phil Hughes was labelled with the unwanted moniker ‘The New Bradman’ after his twin centuries on Test debut as a 20-year-old extravagantly feasting on Steyn, Morkel, et al?
Well, Hughes too hopes that ridiculous reference has been blotted from existence after his mediocre run in the ensuing four years.
Hughes’ Test career has stalled more times than a jalopy. His aggressive strokes and offside proficiency pummels inferior attacks, as evidenced in the recent Sri Lankan series.
Look, he may blossom into a consistent Test performer. After all, he’s only 25.
But under the strain of disciplined bowling, Hughes’ suspect technique buckles under the intense spotlight. He was sheltered against the South Africans to avoid potential humiliation and was in an embarrassing spin tangle in India.
This list is headed by three Aussie batsmen, which pretty much sums up the Aussies’ woes at present.
Umar Akmal (16 Tests, 35.82 avg, 1 hundred)
What ever happened to Umar? Like Hughes, Umar faced the unfair comparisons to a legend, when he was dubbed the modern Javed Miandad.
If one is to believe sketchy Pakistani birth certificates, then at age 19 Umar made one of the most spectacular debuts with a dazzling 129 on a difficult Dunedin pitch countering the skill of Dan Vettori and Shane Bond with flamboyance.
Umar continued to demonstrate his flair on the subsequent tour of Australia but has basically flamed out since and hasn’t played a Test for the past 18 months, much to the chagrin of cricket fans worldwide.
Let’s hope the likes of Umar and Hughes can overcome the ‘too soon, too young’ affliction because they are swashbuckling entertainers the game sorely craves.
Angelo Matthews (33 Tests, 40 avg, 1 century, 11 wkts, 73.45 avg)
I’m an unabashed fan of Matthews. I believe his all-round abilities will materialise with maturity. However just one hundred in 54 innings, particularly batting on Sri Lanka’s notorious flat decks, and a bowling average befitting a part-timer means Matthews finds himself on this unwanted list.
Brendon McCullum (75 Tests, 36.29 avg, 6 centuries)
Perhaps a little harsh that New Zealand’s captain finds himself on this list. After all, an average in the mid-30s for a player who has played a vast proportion of his career with the burden of wicket-keeping is respectable.
Plus, he’s generally had scant support in the Kiwi’s brittle batting line-up.
In recent times, McCallum seems to have found his niche in the whites in the number six slot as a specialist bat.
However, one can’t neglect the totality of an underwhelming Test career. Like many on this list, McCallum’s spectacular performances amid the coloured craziness are probably to blame.
His brashness and bravado just doesn’t translate to Test success.
Kamran Akmal (53 Tests, 30.79 avg, 6 centuries)
In most likelihood Kamran will probably never again be seen sporting the whites at international level, as it’s been nearly three years since his last Test.
One can only wonder how Kamran’s career would have unfurled had he actually been able to catch a cricket ball. His average is respectable for a keeper and his strike rate of 63 provides a glimpse of destructiveness.
Unfortunately, his glove-work deteriorated to such an extent that he would not have been able to catch a disease from a Soi Cowboy prostitute.
Stuart Broad (55 Tests, 25 avg, 1 century, 183 wkts, 31.92 avg)
Broad is a fine cricketer and probably still hasn’t reached his cricketing peak, considering he has yet turned 27.
But he has struggled recent years , despite being an important commodity in England’s line-up.
Why didn’t English fans didn’t mourn Andrew Flintoff’s Test retirement in 2009? Because they thought Broad was the natural successor.
Unfortunately, his bowling is less venomous than his furious younger incarnation and he has yet to become a top seven bat that was envisioned earlier in his career.
I’m banking on a big Ashes series from Broad, in hopefully the first step to become an all-round superstar to finally follow in the hallowed footsteps of Ian Botham and Flintoff.
Mitchell Johnson (c) (51 Tests, 21.96 avg, 1 century, 205 wkts, 30.93 avg)
The unanimous captain of this unhinged bunch and the inspiration behind this piece. No cricketer I have witnessed has ever been more simultaneously exhilarating and frustrating than Wayward Mitch.
His statistics are fine but decades down the track, I feel his career will be overlooked. Will anyone in 50 years remember that Mitchell Johnson was the best cricketer in the world for a glorious six-month period in 2008-09?
Remember when Mitch was the most intimidating quick on the planet, forcing batsmen to hop and holler in fear? Remember when his all-round brilliance was the catalyst for a mediocre Australian team to emerge victorious in South Africa?
Unfortunately, Mitch’s mental and physical fragilities wore him down and eventually he was overtaken by a new breed of Aussie quicks.
Mitch’s horrendous Fourth Test in India (zero wickets, three runs with bat) has probably consigned the end of his Test resurrection.
I will miss the most erratic cricketer I have ever seen. Although, my head probably won’t after years of banging it in despair.
Ishant Sharma (51 Tests, 144 wkts, 37.99 avg)
On January 19 2008, I thought I would witness history at the WACA. Australia attempting a 413-run chase – the highest Down Under. Australia was in dire trouble starting day four two down, but Ponting and Hussey, both in their pomp, were at the crease and I was convinced they would guide Australia to a record 17th consecutive Test victory.
Australia had not lost a Test since August 2005, so you can understand my brashness..
Not noted for their pace attack, the Indians would wilt under the pressure, I believed.
It did not go to script. Australia lost the unthinkable – defeated by India at the WACA. Australia winning on a raging turner in Hyderabad was probably more realistically.
What I still vividly remember from that day was Ishant Sharma’s extraordinary first session spell. I thought I was watching the reincarnation of Curtly Ambrose. His pace, bounce and ability to move the ball both ways made Ponting, the world’s best bat at the time, appear a mere village cricketer.
Eventually, Ponting was caught edging to slip and Sharma appeared destined to become India’s new pace superstar.
Fast forward five years and Sharma has a bowling average close to 40. Granted, he does have to bowl on some uncompromising decks for a quick but no bowler of note should yield such disappointing returns.
For India to become a Test superpower, it needs to emerge victorious abroad. To win overseas, they need quality quicks. India must sure hope Ishant Sharma can wake up from his long slumber.
Dilhara Fernando (40 Tests, 100 wkt, 37.84 avg)
Powerfully built, Fernando possessed the prototype brute’s body. He appeared likely to become Chaminda Vaas’ successor but has had a disappointing career that never reached any great heights, despite flashes of brilliance.
Too temperamental and unable to control his fury hastened Fernando’s Test career. Another cricketer who found life more comfortable in the shorter formats.
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