After the tiresome selection process for the Paul Vautin captained Ranga All Stars and the Scott Minto inspired Advanced Hair side comes another A View From the Top All Star side.
This time we will be selecting players that have fleetingly or continually had weight issues while playing at the elite level.
The side of course will be sponsored by Weight Watchers after a lucrative bidding war with Jenny Craig.
Fullback
During his first season at South Sydney Greg Inglis took to emulating big Artie Beetson a little too literally.
To say he turned up at Redfern in bad shape is putting it lightly.
The move to fullback looks to have reignited his career, but for his first twelve months at Souths and the lack of depth in the outside backs Inglis will play fullback.
Wing
In his pre rugby union Days Wendell Sailor didn’t have an ounce of body fat. A few seasons picking daisies on the wing in professional kick tennis and a recreational drugs ban saw him return to St George Illawarra severely out of shape.
He shunned a move into the forwards to finish his career strongly on the flank though to earn himself selection.
Centre
Everybody remembers the Daily Telegraph back page picture of a shirtless Jamal Idris. Looking like a dark-skinned Butterbean, Idris spent his first 12 months at the Gold Coast Titans playing like it before bursting back into career best form in 2013 before being struck down by a broken leg.
Centre
A bloke that spectacularly played for Queensland and then New Zealand before coming back to the Maroons and Australians earns a spot in the three quarter line just ahead of Brad Izzard.
Tonie Carroll moved from the centres to the back row at various stages of his career but has moved into the outside backs out of necessity more than anything else.
Wing
Matt Utai gets a spot on the wing purely due to a lack of competition.
Leon Bott was considered as was Joven Clarke but Utai just edges both of those in the Weight Watchers selection scale.
Five Eighth
Prodigiously talented five eighth Owen Cragie is hands down the best candidate at five eighth. With a special God given ability, Cragie was a shining light in many defeats during his last NRL stint at Souths.
He won a grand final with Newcastle in 1997 but struggled with his weight all the way through his career. It’s no surprise to learn he has blown out even further in retirement.
Halfback
Described by Peter Sterling as ‘fat’ earns Chris Sandow the halfback jersey alone. Sandow signed a massive contract with the Eels in the hope of ending the halfback curse at the club and chose to spend his first off season either at the leagues club or the bakery.
Sandow has somehow been made the scapegoat for the Eels dismal performance against Manly, which is a little like Laurie Daley addressing NSW’s donut-like State of Origin two performance by replacing a winger.
For any Queenslanders or slow New South Welshman (those that live in NSW but support Queensland), the donut reference was down to our lack of a middle during the game.
Front Row
Toooooooooooooooooookkkkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. How good was it as a kid when Mark Tookey got the ball at Parramatta Stadium and you could hear the crowd roar through your TV.
You just don’t get that in the modern game anymore. I mean Parramatta are so bad, no one owns up to supporting them, let alone goes to games anymore.
Hooker
One of the greatest post try celebrators of all time Piggy Riddell held off a strong challenge from Englishman Keiron Cunningham to make the side.
Cunningham was once feted as the ‘world’s best hooker’ by the English press and turned out to be an overweight, slow and un-skilled excuse for a professional athlete.
Despite his weight troubles Cunningham’s complete absence of football ability rules him out of the side and Riddell get a start.
He will be the side’s goalkicker.
Front Row
George Rose is to Weight Watchers what Paul Vautin is to Rangas and Scott Minto is to Advanced Hair. Enough said.
Second Row
Silky skilled and head gear wearing Adam Cuthbertson has bounced around at a few clubs finding favour with Wayne Bennett at the Dragons and Knights. Sort of a Darius Boyd-lite except much heavier.
Sent to park football by the NRL ‘powerhouse’ the Cronulla Sharks it is yet to be confirmed whether banned substance AOD-9604 was introduced at the club to get Cuthbertson’s weight under control.
It is of course an anti-obesity drug that Essendon and Stephen Dank have been linked with.
Second Row
Rumours suggest that this player fell out of favour at the Broncos for showing up to training 12 kg overweight at 126 kg.
After moving to Redfern and earning a maiden Maroon jersey, most thought Dave Taylor had turned a corner but his carefree attitude to everything from attack to defence and anything in between holds him back as a footballer.
Now at the Gold Coast Titans Taylor seems destined with an eternal battle with his waist line if he is ever to reach his potential as a professional athlete.
Lock
Starting his career at the Roosters Dean Widders was always an obvious candidate for Weight Watchers sponsorship.
Widders battle with the bulge followed him from the Roosters to Parramatta and to South Sydney and like many in the side led to stints in NSW Cup at various stages of his career.
To this day I am still blown away by the sight of Dean Widders going through agility ladders with the sleight of foot of Billy Madison.
An extremely gifted footballer.
With so many outstanding candidates, especially in the front row, we must make mention of the following players that were in contention for the run on side.
Honourable mentions
Sam Kasiano, Josh Perry, Don Tweedle, Michael Weyman, Jarrod Hickey, Brad Drew, Keiron Cunningham, Tim Natusch, Danny Wicks, Glenn Lazarus, Andrew ‘Barge Ass’ Johns, Glenn Stewart, Carl Webb, Brad Izzard, Billy Weepu and John Buttigieg to name but a few.
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