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With his revelations on 7:30 the other night that a club with no CEO, no major sponsor and under investigation by the government wasn’t all that well run, Bruno Cullen has established himself as the NRL’s number one investigator.
So the big question is, where to next for Bruno P.I.?
Rugby league has long been a game of mystery. The phantom siren. The man in the bowler hat. Daniel Fitzhenry’s 190 first class games.
All riddles so perplexing that even Mulder and Scully would chuck them in the ‘too hard’ basket in favour of proving the existence of the reverse vampires from Uranus.
Bruno may be a while, off solving any of the great cold cases mentioned above, but right now as we speak there are a number of unusual phenomena in the NRL ripe for the Colombo Cullen treatment.
In the interest of closure and good practice I’m advocating the NRL give Cullen a deer stalker cap, a sidekick for comic relief and a licence to investigate at will, with the following cases being of superior importance.
The case of the magically appearing money
The Brisbane Broncos, rugby league’s wealthiest club, has been promised $3million and $5million respectively from the Federal government and opposition.
Does this timing have anything to do with the federal election, or the fact that many Brisbane electorates are marginally held seats?
And why wasn’t Tony Abbott charged for his shoulder charge on a bemused Shane Webcke at the press conference?
The case of the Dunemann deity
How is Andrew Dunemann now the most sort after individual in professional rugby league, despite not being seen since the mid-90s sporting a bad mullet and a win ratio akin to the Star Casino’s chocolate wheel?
And just how is he related to Don Furner?
The case of the droning Dragon
Exactly why are the St George Illawarra Dragons blowing up deluxe over the selection of untested Wests Tigers rookie youngster Luke Brooks for this weekend’s match?
And how will his appearance be any worse for rugby league than Braith Anasta at halfback or Benji Marshall chip kicking for himself on his own 20m line?
The case of the disappearing DCE
Despite forming half of a premiership-winning scrum base, being a representative star and the only likeable Manly player since Beaver Menzies, why is Daly Cherry-Evans under fire from the Sea Eagles Stewart brothers?
And would a David Gallop apology or growing a neckbeard somehow make it all go away?
The case of if you can’t beat em, buy em
At what stage of Phil Gould’s five year plan did buying an A-League team come into calculations for the Penrith Panthers?
And did this have anything to do with the impending arrival of Jamie Soward at Penrtih, or was it just an attempt to one up their rivals the Eels and their Parramatta Power relations?
Get to the bottom of a few of these bad boys Bruno and us fans will finally be able to get to sleep on the nights the Tigers aren’t on telly!
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