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The muppets at the FFA who helped kill our 2022 FIFA World Cup bid have struck again.
From the same people who thought that combining Elle MacPherson, a cartoon kangaroo and some old fashioned 1980s Crocodile Dundee-inspired marketing would land us a World Cup hosting gig, we bring you the latest own goal.
Ange Postecoglou announced a youthful, fresh faced, 30-man squad yesterday. Hungry, driven and with something to prove, this team is set to announce a new generation of footballers to Australia and the world.
And the slogan we’re meant to cheer them on with?
“Socceroos: Hopping Our Way Into History”.
At the end of this sentence go back up and read that again. Doesn’t get any better does it?
Thankfully, this time we’re not alone in our embarrassment about the slogan that our national team has been saddled with.
Up against Australia, in a pool game for most terrible slogan, is Chile with their absurd, “Chi Chi Chi!, Le Le Le!, Go Chile!”. Punctuation aside, I’m not sure if anyone told the Chileans, but Brazil is famous for beaches and tiny bikinis. So there’s no reason their supporters will be freezing to death from the cold, causing their teeth to chatter, which is about the only reason I can think of that anyone would stutter out this mouthful.
Ghana gets a nod for their scientifically challenged, “Black Stars: Here to Illuminate Brazil”. Most fans are puzzled at the thought of a Black Star illuminating anything. Not that Year 4 astronomy was my strong point at school, but isn’t a black star on a black night sky going to be… well, invisible?
Brazil gets the award for the most over confident war cry with, “Brace Yourselves! The Sixth is Coming!”. South Korea, on the other hand, doesn’t want their national side to feel any extra pressure, and have set the bar very low with their gentle pat on the back of, “Enjoy it Reds!”.
Meanwhile, the ever-perplexing Dutch seem to have forgotten that there’s a World Cup on, much like last time in the final when they decided it was a good opportunity for some Spanish shin-kicking practice. Their manifesto is more suited to a Myer clearance sale, with the announcement that “Real Men Wear Orange”.
The Ivory Coast has also taken the time to give an important public service announcement, letting all travellers know that there are, “Elephants Charging Towards Brazil!”
As ever, Greece is apparently a little confused, letting the other teams know that, “Heroes Play Like Greeks”, which seems to imply that the Greeks may not have to play like heroes.
Likewise, the French seem to have spent a little too long distracted by Samir Nasri’s girlfriend’s antics to come up with anything intelligible. They’ve informed us that, “Impossible is Not A French Word”. Which is helpful for potential visitors, though I wonder how they’re going translate it into French for their merchandise if that’s the case.
Coming back to our own team, surely the time has come to change the ‘Socceroos’ moniker to something more appropriate. For a start, we call it football in this country now.
But more importantly, it might stop the geniuses in the FFA marketing department from giving us another inexplicable and ridiculous link between kangaroos and Australian football.
What do you reckon Roarers? What’s the worst slogan of the bunch? And is it time to ditch the Socceroos nickname?
For the World Cup Draw, World Cup squads and opinion, check out our World Cup page.
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