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On a cold night way back in 2008, the men gathered in the underbelly of Ballymore. Under the swinging lamp the powerbrokers had converged to right the wrongs of their beloved sport, rugby union.
“Well, the way I see it, we have two problems,” he held up two fingers for added emphasis, “We aren’t winning” he lowered one “and we ain’t makin’ no money.” The group murmured in approval.
He went on to state “We need a change!” The chorus responded affirmatively, shouts of ‘hear hear’, ‘aye’ and ‘when is dinner going to be served?’ filled the room.
A second speaker took over “I agree, it’s time to bite the bullet, look at the Kiwis and Saffas, one just won the World Cup, and the other is going on about having $70 million in the war chest. What about us eh? Eliminated in the quarter final and just over $5 million, in the bank.”
“Yeah, but remember the exchange rate mate, that’s what, about 60 million Australian.” The new speaker quickly held his hands up in a placating gesture “I’m just saying.” ‘And the ref was rubbish’ he trailed off.
The second speaker rolled his eyes and continued “The point is, we are not doing well, something needs to change.” He thumped his fist hard down on the table to emphasise his point. “Well, cut the bloody ARC, it’s a black hole for money.”
A voice from the back suggests “No, we need that, we are lacking at the top level.”
A halting noise interrupts him from the back of the room as a shadowy figure rakes his nails down a chalkboard. The gathering turns to look on this newcomer.
“I’ll fix your rugby for you.” He waits, he lets the tension build. “But it’ll need men of courage, foresight and strength of will.” He was buttering them up, but they seemed not to mind. “For a price…” A smile across his face.
Silence greeted him, so he took this as his cue to begin.
“See, the problem here is that the other nations have these nice internal competitions…”an interruption “We know this, we’ve just put our own one into place, I don’t need to listen to this.” The man turns to walk off. “Yes, I see how well it did last year.”
It is a sore point, he stops in his tracks. “Look, you’ve got two options, you can sink a lot of resources into getting this ARC up and running, it will take many years, you’ll have to cut spending in the meantime and you’ll get your wins and money… But supposing there was a problem with the other unions, why, you might find yourself on a level playing field much faster than you think.” An incredulous silence greets him again.
“What?”
“Sure, if you’re willing. This is how you do it. You nice lads here, you’re going to go to the other countries and say you’ve got this deal for them. Very polite like, but you go and tell them how much money it’ll save them by playing more games at home, more derbies, good for the crowds see, and good for you fine gentleman in the short term. But down the road is where it really gets interesting. See, what’ll happen is it will devalue their leagues and put you into a stronger position…”
“Let me get this straight. You want us to stuff up Super Rugby? How does this help our situation?” murmurs echo around the room.
“Well, I would’ve thought anyone as smart as you could work that one out. When Super Rugby starts disintegrating, becoming ever more complicated, the time will be ripe, the sport will be in real trouble. Awaiting a hero, and sick of this new bogus comp, you’ll come in and save the day with this new whiz bang ARC.”
“Are you kidding, we’ll be strung up if we try that!” It is a half outrage this time, many are undecided. They reserve their judgement. The shadowy stranger begins again.
“This ‘conference’ system see, it’ll take away your partners biggest strength, devalue their local competitions, bring everyone down to the same level.”
Silence greets his last remark, the sidelong glances from the powerbrokers slowly become steely nods of agreement.
“How are we ever going to get the other unions to agree to this?” One asks. “Oh I’m sure you resourceful gentleman could find something in this very room to help make their minds up for them…”
The shadowy figure stepped lightly to the side to reveal…. a sack, literally stuffed with money. “You mentioned a price?”
“Oh, just a small thing really, just the TV rights.”
Never attribute to malice that which can easily be attributed to stupidity.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.