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As a child, I loathed doing jigsaw puzzles. The bigger the puzzle in terms of size and number of pieces, the bigger the waste of my free time as far as I was concerned.
My brother could sit for hours doing the borders, finding twenty different shades of grass and feel as if he was using his time productively. I, on the other hand, would invariably feign a migraine and demand to be let outside in the fresh air.
Sure they had their uses in my early formative years. Eye coordination and manual dexterity, for example, were greatly improved. But the whole process was over in about a minute and there were bright colours and jolly animals that made it fun to do.
10 000 pieces to create a larger version of the photo on the cover made about as much sense as writing an essay on the sensual delights of eating a sirloin steak sitting in front of you.
On the rare occasions inclement weather forced me to remain indoors and partake in the annual family puzzle extravaganza, I would do my best to ensure that such occasions were limited to just the one time in the calendar. I would infuriate my brother by taking one piece and trying it in all the pieces that were on the board.
When told clearly that piece didn’t go with the one I was trying to pair it with, I would take that as an invitation to prove that this was most assuredly not the case.
When looking at the ‘big picture’, selectors have similarly been prone to having fixations over certain pieces in the puzzle and coming up with ludicrous ideas to shoe horn certain players into the gap. Cue nightmares of Christian Cullen being asked to play at outside centre.
Already it seems we have had rumblings of selection gaffes to come that may rival Nic Mallett’s spectacularly disastrous selection of flanker Mauro Bergamesco at halfback against England in the 2009 Six Nations.
For some reason speculation has been floating about that Matt Giteau could be selected at halfback for the Wallabies. I’m not sure how this idea came about but I’m pretty sure recreational drugs were involved. The leap inside from 12 to 10 to 9 is a lot more manageable than from 7 to 8 to 9 but equally risible.
There are examples of players such as Israel Folau and Daniel Carter playing out of their familiar positions in this year’s Super Rugby. Is this a conspiracy to soften us up to the idea that a Colin Slade-Daniel Carter interchange selection akin to Kurtley Beale and Matt Toomua is on the cards?
I shudder to think. Is it a matter of playing both players so they get game time instead of warming the bench but both are in Hansen’s planning to fill the 10 position? This thought allows me to sleep at night but it is worrying that a player is deemed able to slot into a position because he’s played the bulk of his career there.
It is one thing to be familiar with a position but it is another entirely different thing to be proficient in that area. Manu Tuilagi was tried on the wing against New Zealand as he had played age-group rugby there. I have played rugby on the Playstation but that does not mean I could replicate what I did with the controls (through mainly a system of randomly twisting and prodding things) on the field.
There is a debate going on as to which ideal position is suited to Malakai Fekitoa – and you might well add in James O’Connor and Israel Folau to that debate. They are undoubtedly talented footballers but the more positions you have under your belt, the greater danger you risk diluting that talent. Case in point, can anybody tell me Kurtley Beale’s ideal position? Admittedly this is not as left-field as Israel Dagg to number 10, but sometimes I think the proximity of the numbers on the jersey make it seem feasible to change people’s positions.
Sometimes injuries cause disruptions in the space time continuum and selections out of this world come into being but often a lack of options causes. Ben Smith was called in for his namesake Conrad on the November tour but the dearth of options to partner Julian Savea after Cory Jane’s injury and the loss of Rene Ranger to initially threw up Ben Smith’s name. When Israel Dagg’s form dropped at fullback, he was asked to fill in there.
This leads us to the final possibility. There are two players you can’t choose between, so why not find a way to shoehorn them both into the squad? Theories are proposed of having Michael Hooper at 7 and David Pocock at 6, Colin Slade on the wing or at fullback and Carter at 10 to rely on the goalkicking of the former.
In a World Cup year, with a limited squad, these selections gain momentum as deciding who to leave out becomes harder. By making these creative selections you get to include players who would otherwise risk not making the cut.
Sometimes it’s easier to put down the piece of the puzzle in your hand and start looking for more serious options.
Who do you think is in the running for the most misguided selection in your team for the Rugby World Cup this year?
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.