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Australia won the Second Ashes Test at Lord’s by 405 runs, dominating all four days of the Test in an overall decent performance considering that not a single one of Clarke’s men has ever had the gumption to punch a shark.
Here are the ratings for the Test.
SECOND ASHES TEST – FULL SCORECARD
The Dropping of Shane Watson
Grade: D
After their first Test defeat, Australia searched for a scapegoat. Sadly, they found it in the hulking, sulking, not-known-for-skulking, form of Shane Watson.
And so it came to pass that Australia’s 44th Test captain and two time Allan Border Medallist was dropped in favour of the son of a former selector and coach. Shenanigans? I see no other possibility.
For now though, Mitchell Marsh’s replacement of Watson along with Brad Haddin missing the Test for personal reasons meant that Australia had a 6, 7, 8 and 9 of Mitchell Marsh, Mitchell Nevill, Mitchell Johnson and Mitchell Starc. An astonishing stat.
More:
>> REPORT: Aussies level Ashes series with 405-run win
>> David Warner emerges from his slump
Peter Nevill
Grade: A-
Actually, fun fact: Mitchell Nevill’s first name isn’t Mitchell at all. It’s Peter. And he must think this Test cricket caper is a stupidly easy thing.
He was presented his baggy green by Steve Waugh, who caused the cap to age into steely decrepitude with his very touch. Nevill then scored a comfortable 45 from 59 balls in his only innings. He also took a catch with the second delivery of the England innings, before going on to take a total of seven for the game.
He and Steve Smith must just sit in the dressing room and laugh and laugh about how simple dominating the highest level of their chosen international sport is.
The Rogers-Smith Partnership
Grade: B+
With Watson absent, David Warner stepped up to heroically shoulder the burden of Australian fan hatred, by senselessly tonking a ball to Jimmy Anderson off the bowling of Moeen Ali for just 38.
This, however, brought Smith to the crease and he and Chris Rogers combined for a partnership of 284. After just one hour of their partnership, all predictions of an England 5-0 series victory were thrown out and replaced with a certain 4-1 victory for Australia.
By tea, Australia were retroactively awarded the First Test, allowing Glenn McGrath to revert to his traditional 5-0 prediction.
By stumps on the first day, it was clear that England had massively overreacted to their First Test victory and that Australia would never lose a session of any Test against any opposition ever again.
So that’s good news.
The partnership forced England into ever-increasing desperate measures.
Moeen Ali had already been nullified by the clever Australian tactic of Warner already being out. Ben Stokes smashed down a Red Bull in a bid to impossibly become even more energetic to no avail.
And even Adam Lyth was given a bowl, channeling one of those mediocre mid-90s England spinners. Or, to put it another way, Lyth is Such.
Eventually Chris Rogers was dismissed for 173, which was either his first innings in a row between 150 and 200, or one innings containing three 50s in a row. Whichever new record seems most applicable.
And Smith, the now non-number one ranked Test batsman, continued on to bat quite a bit better than Smith, the number one ranked batsmen ever did, making 215 before he got bored with being so good.
Australia’s Mitchell Johnson celebrates taking a wicket.(AFP PHOTO/IAN KINGTON)
Mitchells
Grade: A-
By the time, the Australians came out to bowl, they had 566 to defend, plenty of runs for the Mitches to wreak havoc on.
And wreak havoc on they did. Starc took 1/86 and 1/16, Johnson took 3/53 and 3/27 plus a run out. And Marsh took 2/23 and 1/8. That’s 11/213 for the Test for the Mitches.
As the famous saying goes – Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust. If Mitchell don’t get ya, and Mitchell don’t get ya, Mitchell must.
Still, how scared of Watson must England be to gift Mitchell Marsh all these wickets? This is a ‘Watson’s Ashes’ scenario I I hadn’t even considered until now..Watson’s Ashes by Proxy. Name me another cricketer who has dominated an Ashes series in such a unique fashion.
You can’t do it. You just can’t.
Michael Clarke’s Decisions
Grade: B-
Michael Clarke had several decisions to make in this Test and he got just about every single one of them right.
First, he called correctly at the toss, giving the Australians the first use on a pitch that was absurdly easy to bat on during those times Australia were batting, before becoming impossible to navigate once England came out to bat against the huge targets that Australia had amassed.
Incredible to think that if Michael Clarke had called wrongly, England would have crushed Australia by exactly the same margin. It’s a funny old game.
He then made two declarations. The first innings he declared an over after tea, in between Johnson hitting the ball in the air and the fielder taking the catch. Great timing from the captain to dampen English morale.
When England made just 312 in their first innings, Clarke also had to decide whether to enforce the follow-on, a trickier decision than it might otherwise have been given that there were predictions that the fourth day of the Test would be completely washed out.
Pretty disgusting and shameful, really, how the ECB got the British Weather Service to predict rain in an attempt to induce the follow-on. I can’t imagine the Australian Bureau of Meteorology sharing a drink with them after the game.
And finally, he had to time the second innings declaration. For how long could he allow Steve Smith to monkey around, inventing new shots for fun, while still setting a target large enough that England couldn’t easily chase, all while giving his team enough overs to bowl the opposition out? An almost impossible puzzle to crack.
In the end, he timed it pretty poorly, leaving himself both 400-odd runs and the better part of four sessions too many.
Still, three out of four ain’t bad.