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Jason Holder must’ve Mankaded Mother Teresa in a previous life to be rottenly burdened with the West Indies captaincy. But to his credit, not only did he seem to moderately give a toss against Australia, he has also gave oxygen to one of cricket’s touchiest subjects.
Like aluminium bats and the untouched sprouts of a Colin Miller regrowth, the beanpole Barbadian is one of cricket’s rarest entities – a bowling captain.
In a number I just made up, the game’s history has seen precisely 143,698 batting captains compared to a quantity of bowling captains that wouldn’t exceed the carry load of a Suzuki Mighty Boy.
As these shameful numbers attest, bowlers in managerial positions have been grossly marginalised from the dawn of cricketing mankind and thus are as incongruous as the Ginger Jihadi.
For some reason, selectors have long viewed the two disciplines combined as a diabolical and impractical clash, with some complaining that simply speaking the pair together in a sentence can taste like a mouthful of Gorgonzola and Colgate.
Some countries even consider it a taboo subject altogether, much like a family tiptoes around one of dad’s poor financial decisions or that rogue son who dropped out of uni to pursue a career in card tricks. It’s embargoed from discussion, plain and simple.
Sure, a few exceptions have managed to rat-hole themselves in to positions of power for their country over the years, such as Imran Khan, Wasim Akram, Daniel Vettori, Shaun Pollock, Kapil Dev, Andrew Flintoff and that Zimbabwean guy who isn’t a Flower brother.
But don’t be fooled; these guys were pardoned in to the role thanks to their basic ability to get themselves off strike.
The real pioneers are your card-carrying nine/ten/jacks, like Bob Willis, Waqar Younis or steady Bishen Bedi. Where the bloody hell is the rest of their species?
Why is the bowling captain – also known as the captain who bowls, or in French as Le last resort – pretty much a last resort?
Is it their type can’t be trusted with the keys? Are they not smart enough? Or is there already too much on their plate?
Some astute analysts doubt the bowler’s ability to juggle field placings and maintain morale while they struggle with the brain-twisting complexities of staying behind the popping crease. Others just say its too tough to dish out encouraging bum-taps from the deep.
Others doubt the bowler’s ability to remember the names of fielding positions, while others doubt their ability to remember the names of fielders.
However, for the real reasoning behind cricket’s dismissive attitude towards bowling captains, one must look back to the historically significant ‘olden days’, a time when 2 Unlimited’s pumping anthems filled the change of overs from a stadium gramophone.
As written by Mike Brearley in The Art of Captaincy, bowlers are shunned by the game because cricket is nothing more than an elitist toff who looks down its nose at anyone who sucks with the willow.
“By far the largest proportion of captains, at least at the level of first-class cricket, has been provided by those who are predominantly batsmen. This pattern arises from the class distinctions I have spoken of: gentlemen batted, players bowled.
“Since captains came from the ranks of the gentlemen, it is not surprising that few captains were bowlers.”
As a man who’s written a book that agrees with what I’m saying, I’m 100 per cent on board with ‘Breaso’. Cricket always has, and always will, treat bowlers as second-class, mass-produced, expendable draughthorses who do as they’re told and are sent to the Futures League glue factory if they don’t.
So in summary, batsman are considered noble and privileged, while bowlers are servants. Not only is it apparent in leadership roles, but also through the prism of the nets. Do you ever hear anyone calling for extra net batsmen?
If cricket could have its way, it would permanently segregate all bowlers at fine leg forever so none of the aristocrat batsmen were exposed to their cooties.